Celebrity Death Haiku

Jackie Mason

1928-2021

Catskill kvetcher
Hit Broadway in the Borscht Belt
Gave Ed “The Finger”

Observational
Comedy at it’s apex
Of obnoxiousness

Didn’t flip off Ed
Wished he had, ultimately
No Fall, no comeback

—Yur Namhir

Norm Crosby

1927-2020

Ascots to Ascots
Dismembered beyond his dearth
RPM boyo

—Tom Morrow

 

Alex Trebek

1940-2020

Did anyone not
Like this guy? Answer
With a question, please

—Abbie Rhodes

 

James “The Amazing” Randi

1928-2020

The skeptic’s skeptic
Called out paranormal fraud
We need more like him

—Abbey Rhodes

Wowed us by pointing
Out bullshit we should have seen
Coming a mile off

—Phil Valens

Just for exposing
Uri Geller, we owe him
Tons of gratitude

—Tom Morrow

 

Rhonda Fleming

1923-2020

Technicolor queen
Hot red hair and cool green eyes
Kept us all spellbound

—Laurel Cannon

Helen Reddy

1941-2020

One hit wonder spawns
B-List celebrity life
All downhill from there

--Rhonda Helpern

 

Diana Rigg

1938-2020

Jump-started many 
A young boy’s adolescence 
Cat suit and Jag helped

—Abbie Rhodes

Role model for girls
Cautionary tale for boys
Kick-ass sex symbol

—Olivia Cromwell

Saw her in that play
Abelard and Heloise
Totally naked

—Roger Rabid

Goodbye, Mrs. Peel.
In your youth you taught me well.
Your faithful steed heeds.

 

---James M. Maloney

Herbert Stempel

1926-2020

Quiz show braniac
Took a dive on TV then
Blew whistle on it

--Rose Gardner

 

 

Ken Osmond

1943-2020

Didn't die in 'Nam
Like Wally and the Beaver
Or become porn star

--Rose Gardner

 

Fred Willard

1939-2020

Perfect deadpan dolt
Foil and fodder for improv
Guest star favorite

--Meyer Lehman

 

Jerry Stiller

1927-2020

Serenity now
For a comic actor who
Always seemed ticked off

--Abby Rhodes

Kenny Rogers

1938-2020

Know when to hold on,
You gotta know when to die.
His timing was right.

--James M Maloney

 

James Lipton

1926-2020

If heaven exists
He’s making it hell asking
His ten questions 

--Tom Erick

 

After he interviews
God, what’s he gonna do for
All eternity?

--Kim Ono

 

Robert Conrad

1935-2020

Short guy with short fuse
Got wild in the Wild Wild West
Eyed Hawaiians

--Thomas Hudson

 

That a battery
On your shoulder or you
Just happy to see me?

--O'Cyrus

 

 

 

Terry Jones

1942-2020

Farewell, Terry J
Naked came the organist
Life is wafer-thin

-O'Cyrus

 

Edd "Kookie" Byrnes

1933-2020

Slickest hair of all
77 Sunset's 
Epic pompadours

--O'Cyrus

Hairstyle that launched a
Million tubes of Brylcreem and
his cool-guy career

--Kim Ono

Godfather to Fonz
First DA on network show
Lent no one his comb

--Christian Marder

 

Buck Henry

1930-2020

Got Smart, met Nichols
Graduated to movies,
Samurai target

--Lairbo

 

Rip Torn

1931-2019

R.I.P. Rip Torn
Now dressed in the last suit
He will ever wear

--Romona Clift

* * *

Men in Black wasn’t, but
The Maidstone brawl was real, and
that bank stick-up too

--Michael Dominowski

Arte Johnson

1929-2019

Kraut behind bushes,
Lech on a bench; he was veh-
ry in-te-resting

--Kim Ono

 

 

Leon Redbone

1950-2019

Sorry Leon but,
We are gonna talk about
You, now that you're gone

--Abby Rhodes

Tuba voiced crooner
Who brought new life to old tunes
Too good to forget

--O'Cyrus

Tim Conway

1933-2019

Adlib master heals
America’s funnybone
After instant flop

---Michael Dominowski

Peter Tork

1942-2019

A real musician
Also played one on TV
Monkee-wrenched career

--O'Cyrus

 

Penny Marshall

1943-2018

Bottle-capper finds 
Her humorous, poignant voice.
She was who she was.

--Michael Dominowski

Burt Reynolds

1936-2018

Outrunning Smokey
Made cinema turkeys pay.
But that Tiparillo!

--Michael Dominowski

 

Bidding Burt adieu.
Too fancy for the Bandit?
Yeah. Later, gator!

-Abby Rhodes

Harlan Ellison

1937-2018

A sci-fi bad boy
Has some unfinished business,
Treks off to Forever

--Michael Dominowski