Celebrity Death Haiku

Jim Bouton

1939-2019

Flung open locker
Room doors; players cried “Foul” but,
Baseball ain’t Boy Scouts

—Ramone A. Clift

 

A truth knuckleball
Is delivered by the book.
We learned the real game

--Michael Dominowski

 

Bart Starr

1934-2019

Self-made quarterback
Led V. Lombardi to fame
And cheeseheads to swoon

--Michael Dominowski

Rubin Hurricane Carter

1937–2014

Justice miscarried
We all cared for Carter's cause
Cause Denzel played him

—Dr. Vitz

 

LeRoy Neiman

1921—2012

His true artistry
Was the way he lived; and, yeah
That giant mustache

— G. Runyon

* * *

Did what he loved and
Got paid for it handsomely
Suck it, art critics

— O'Cyrus

 

Gary Carter

1954–2012

Believe it or not
One time, the Mets didn't suck
Carter's one reason

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Robert Hegyes

1951–2011

Dear Mr. Kotter
Robert's career is absent
Signed Epstein's Mother

— Dr. Vitz

 

Joe Frazier

1944–2011

Took down The Greatest
Nearly killed him in Thrilla
Smokin' without grill

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Let's turn to Cosell
For the last words on Smokin' Joe:
"And down goes Frazier!"

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Bubba Smith

1945–2011

Gentle giant off
The field; on the gridiron,
Not so much "gentle"

— Roger Rabid

 

Don Meredith

1938 – 2010

The party's really
Over for the Dandy Don, 
So turn out the lights

— Russell 1000

* * *

Between the brains and
The bore, Dandy Don was the
Booth's regular guy

— Roger Rabbid

 

Jim Heselden

1948 – 2010

Segway proves handy
Transport from this life to the
Next for new owner

— Lairbo

 * * *

New Segway sales pitch:
"It's the last vehicle you'll
Ever need to buy!"

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Those who wouldn't be
Caught dead on one of these things
Can have it both ways

— Russell 1000

 

George Blanda

1927 – 2010

Blanda survived hell,
Bryant, Hallas, and Davis
But not father time

— Jay Strauss

* * *

For twenty six years
Blanda threw and kicked it all
And now, the bucket

— Jay Strauss

 

Bobby Thomson

1923 – 2010

One swing of the bat
The Giants win the pennant!
Brooklyn dies some more

— Ira Heller

Ralph Houk

1919 – 2010

Boyhood memory:
Dad yells at TV, cursing
Houk's last-place Yankees

— Jeff Tiedrich

George Steinbrenner

 1930 – 2010

Suspicious timing:
Did George decide he had to
Fire Bob Sheppard?

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Here's hoping Billy
Martin is among the first
Five people he meets

— Roger Rabid

* * *

George, bring me my lunch
Larry voiced me on Seinfeld
Calzones are the best

— Sue Weiand

Bob Sheppard

1910 – 2010

Introduced them all,
Superstar, scrub or rookie,
With stately respect

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

Up from the minors
Now batting for the Angels...
*Standing ovation*

— Meanie the Blue

John Wooden

1910 – 2010

Wizard of Westwood's
Final buzzer sounds on college
Hoops' winningest coach

— Phil Valens

Merlin Olsen

1940 – 2010

In either outfit — 

Ram or Roman Catholic

Olsen was fearsome

— Phil Valens

Dick Francis

1920 – 2010

Short guy has two long
Careers: riding, then writing
About, racehorses

— Lairbo

 

Walter Frederick Morrison

1920 – 2010

Turned flying pie tin

Into competitive sport

For stoners with dogs

— Lairbo

* * * 

He threw a pie tin

Right into the public eye

It really took off

— Meanie the Blue

Jim Carroll

1949 – 2009

A Catholic Boy

Joins his friends who have died, died

It still beats Riker's

— Meanie the Blue

Eunice Kennedy Shriver

1921 – 2009

Famous name or not

She chose to do good when she

Could have done nothing

— Russell 1000

* * *

Sure, we all know why

Jack and Bob had to be killed 

But Eunice? Why her?

 — Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Can Kennedy death

Beat Jackson autopsy for

Media spotlight?

 — Phil Valens

Paul Newman

1925 – 2008

Salad days over 

Cool hand now forever gone 

Through Hole in the Wall

 — Meanie the Blue 

What we have here is 

Failure to resuscitate 

Rest in peace, cool hand 

— Jeff Tiedrich

Edmund Hillary

1919 – 2008

New Zealand hero
Before Peter Jackson and
Without CGI

— Lairbo

Phil Rizzuto

1917 – 2007

One last "Holy cow!"
Phil Rizzuto's outta here
Going, going, gone

— Jeff Tiedrich

Barbaro

2003 – 2007

Stud farm dream is done
The glue factory awaits
Barbaro is dead

— Lairbo