Celebrity Death Haiku

Ram Dass

1931-2019

Love, serve, remember.
Be here now until you're not,
But still you exist.

--James M Maloney

 

Christopher Hitchens

1949–2011

Often made me mad.
Always made me think about
Why he'd made me mad

— Lairbo

* * *

Brilliant or blowhard?
We won't know until all of
His friends are dead, too

— Russell 1000

 

Moishe Rosen

1932 – 2010

Moishe said it was
Kosher to accept Jesus ...
Did Yahweh buy it?

— Babatjie

Oral Roberts

1918 – 2009

Healed those stricken with

Full wallets and empty heads

God's extortionist

— Russell 1000

* * *

Fleeced flock for millions

Claiming God held him hostage

Ransom paid in full

— Phil Valens

Frederick "The Reverend Ike" Eikerenkoetter II

1935 – 2009

Preached power within

Each and every one of our

Wallets — Praise the Lord!

—Lairbo

* * *

Fleeced flock with vision

Of riches past wildest dreams

Although his, not theirs

— Phil Valens

* * *

Preached lack of money

As root of evil and made

Sure he rolled in it

— Russell 1000

* * *

Curse not (he said) the 

Wealthy — enlightenment is

Riches' by-product

— Philco

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

1918 – 2008

Solzhenitsyn's name

Barely fits onto one line;

Problem for haiku

— Lairbo

* * *

Bitched about Russia;

Bitched about the west; heaven or

Hell's in for it now

— Lairbo

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

1917 – 2008

Heavenly hot dog
Vendor makes Maharishi
One with everything

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Maharishi Ma-
-hesh Yogi disincarnates
Haiku writes itself

— Adrian M. Johnson

* * *

Spent his final years

Trying to levitate but

Never got off ground

— Russell 1000

* * * 

Charged the rich big bucks

To find tranquility. Hey,

Inner peace ain't cheap

— Lairbo

Francis Crick

1916 – 2004

Even a crackpot 
Gets it right and a Nobel
Prize for it, sometimes

— O'Cyrus

Isaac Asimov

1920 – 1992

Laid the foundation

For popular sci-fi and

Enormous sideburns

— Lairbo

Golda Meir

1898 – 1978

Before Happy Days,
Most notable person to
Come from Milwaukee

— Roger Rabbid

 

Joan of Arc

1412–1431

Saved France from English
Cooking, although she wound up
Getting fried for it

— Abbie Rhodes

 

Guy Fawkes

1570 – 1606

Fifth of November
Bonfires honoring him
Caught lighting the fuse

— Abbie Rhodes

 

Mahatma Gandhi

1869 – 1948

Man of principle
And peace who, naturally,
Got beat up a lot

— Russell 1000

 

William Jennings Bryan

1860 – 1925

Orated greatly
About gold standard until
Darwin caught his eye

— Phil Valens

Martin Luther

1483 – 1546

Monks gone wild rulebook:

Piss off pope, marry a nun

Start own religion

— Lairbo

Michelangelo Buonarroti

1475 – 1564

Tried the rest? Hire the 

Best! Art to order; any

Medium, well done

— Lairbo

Clarence Darrow

1857 – 1938

Enjoyed reading the

Obituaries; wonder 

How he liked his own

— Lairbo

Henry VIII

1491 – 1547

Serial husband

Left behind a royal mess

Daughter cleaned it up

— Lairbo

* * *

Did more than marry

Six wives, though where he found the

Time is a puzzler

— Russell 1000

Galileo Galilei

1564 – 1642

"Father of modern

Science," they call him now; then

It was "heretic"

— Lairbo