Celebrity Death Haiku

Elizabeth Edwards

1949 – 2010

Tried to stand by John
Till he turned ridiculous
She's no Todd Palin

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Classier act on
Her worst day than hubby on
Any of his best

— Lairbo

 

Theodore Sorensen

1928 – 2010

Ask not what the land
Did for Sorensen, ask how
He'll enrich the soil

— Dr. Vitz

* * * 

Kennedy's wordsmith
Intellectual blood bank
Fuel on the flame

— Russell 1000

* * *

Wasn't Camelot
He said; what followed only
Made it seem that way

— Roger Rabid

 

Ted Stevens

1923 – 2010

Is afterlife bridge
To nowhere or a series 
Of tubes? Now he knows

— Roger Rabid

Daniel Schorr

1916 – 2010

Pissed off Krushchev then
Wound up on Nixon's shit list.
Now, there's your headline

— Lairbo

* * * 

Late of CBS,
CNN and NPR;
Now just flat out late

— Roger Rabid

George Steinbrenner

 1930 – 2010

Suspicious timing:
Did George decide he had to
Fire Bob Sheppard?

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Here's hoping Billy
Martin is among the first
Five people he meets

— Roger Rabid

* * *

George, bring me my lunch
Larry voiced me on Seinfeld
Calzones are the best

— Sue Weiand

Tuli Kupferberg

1923 – 2010

One of the first Beats
His luck to outlive them all
And die unnoticed

— Jeff Tiedrich

Robert Byrd

1917 – 2010

Byrd served the longest
National charter in hand
And pork in pocket

— Dr. Vitz

*** 

Often voted with
The losing side but always
Brought home the bacon

— Russell 1000

* * *

Admitted being
Wrong when he had been and stood
Firm when he was right

— Roger Rabid

Dennnis Hopper

1936 – 2010

Outlaw or outcast
His madness was all Method
Except the drugs part

— Lairbo

* * *

Almost always cast
To play some psycho. My guess:
He wasn't acting

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

James Dean wannabee
Easy Rode mostly downhill
But had his moments

— Babatjie

* * *

Easy riding man
Finally hits the highway
Wonder if he knows

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

His career's wild ride 
Through Hollywood wasn't so
Easy after all

— Roger Rabid

Moishe Rosen

1932 – 2010

Moishe said it was
Kosher to accept Jesus ...
Did Yahweh buy it?

— Babatjie

Lena Horne

1917 – 2010

Showstopper on stage

Trailblazer everywhere else

Weathered many storms

— Lairbo

* * *

Her Stormy Weather

Made smooth and sweet by voice and

Not looking too black

— Dr. Vitz

Alexander Haig

1924 – 2010

Maybe we'd have been

Better off if he'd been in 

Control at the time

— Russell 1000

Fran Lee

1910 – 2010

City dwellers who

Carry dog poop in a bag

Have Fran Lee to thank

— Jeff Tiedrich

Howard Zinn

1922 – 2010

Debunked the Pilgrims

Made us ask whose history

Is it, anyway?

— babatjie

Pernell Roberts

1928 – 2010

Trapper John was bald

Adam's hair was thick; was it

A rug or acting?

— Lairbo

* * *

Left Ponderosa

In a huff, wound up in San

Fran as grouchy doc

— Russell 1000

Miep Geis

1909 – 2010

Hid not just Anne, but 

Her cows, too. What? Diary?

Ohhhhh, that makes more sense

— Jeff Tiedrich

William Safire

1929 – 2009

A man of the Times

Nixed negative nattering

Yet nabobs loved him

— Russell 1000

* * *

Lexicographic 

Irregulars bow their heads

The Squad Squad bows twice

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

William Safire

Now nattering nabob of

Decomposition

 — Jeff Tiedrich

Irving Kristol

1920 – 2009

Counterpunched youthful 

Trotskyist leanings with a 

Hard right to the left

— Lairbo

* * *

Neocons mourning 

Spiritual godfather

Of their bastard creed

— St. Blaise

Mary Travers

1936 – 2009

Left Peter and Paul

Puffing the Magic Dragon

No jet plane needed

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

Mary Travers left

In coffin not on jet plane

Friend, that answer blows!

— babatjie

Edward "Ted" Kennedy

1932 – 2009

Symbol to many

Of whatever they needed

To hope for or hate

— Russell 1000

* * *

Some can't forgive his

Not dying young to round out

Tragic trifecta

— Phil Valens

Robert Novak

1931 – 2009

Robert Novak's death

Makes me ask; when Satan dies,

Where does he end up?

— Jeff Tiedrich

Eunice Kennedy Shriver

1921 – 2009

Famous name or not

She chose to do good when she

Could have done nothing

— Russell 1000

* * *

Sure, we all know why

Jack and Bob had to be killed 

But Eunice? Why her?

 — Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Can Kennedy death

Beat Jackson autopsy for

Media spotlight?

 — Phil Valens

Corazon Aquino

1933 – 2009

Stepped in when Marcos

Got kicked out; Philippines' first 

People-powered prez

— Lairbo

* * *

Opened the door for

Philippine democracy

It took all she had

— Russell 1000

Walter Cronkite

1916 – 2009

Uncle Walter's gone

The way it is is no more

Rather he'd stayed on

— Lairbo

* * *

Trusted the viewers

To have clues and half a brain

Won't see that again

 — Russell 1000

Robert McNamara

1916 – 2009

Bob McNamara

Years later, regretted war

Forgive him? Fuck that!

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * * 

Against the Edsel

But for the Vietnam War

Better luck next life

— Russell 1000

* * *

The stooped man looks up.

Counting the dead. Such numbers.

The heart is too late.

— PK

* * *

What's that you're saying?

Heck, no, I didn't just die!

I'm winning, I swear

— Meanie the Blue

Jack Kemp

1935 – 2009

Rare politico:

A conservative who really 

Was compassionate

— Russell 1000