Celebrity Death Haiku

Jackie Mason

1928-2021

Catskill kvetcher
Hit Broadway in the Borscht Belt
Gave Ed “The Finger”

Observational
Comedy at it’s apex
Of obnoxiousness

Didn’t flip off Ed
Wished he had, ultimately
No Fall, no comeback

—Yur Namhir

B.J. Thomas

1942-2021

Raindrops now fallin’
On his headstone instead of
Fallin’ on his head

—Robert Leroy Parker

Now Liederman’s got
The initials B and J
All to his own self

—Harry Longbaugh

 

 

Rush Limbaugh

1941-2021

The opposite truth
A name for me in Latin
For you, cruelty

Don’t think about it
The women in numbers like
He was good in bed

80s audience
The big suits, stockings even
Blood bath reckoning

Gelatinous claims
Succor of cigar and pills
His mic’s dead at last

Dead air fresh air, mic
All your breath and breasts harming
Those mourning him now

--S.E.Anderson

 

Larry King

1933-2021

Talked to anyone
About anything, mostly
If they were famous

-- E.K. Moss

 

Star-struck by celebs
Schmoozed with the famous and those
Trying to get there

--Abbie Rhodes

 

Norm Crosby

1927-2020

Ascots to Ascots
Dismembered beyond his dearth
RPM boyo

—Tom Morrow

 

Alex Trebek

1940-2020

Did anyone not
Like this guy? Answer
With a question, please

—Abbie Rhodes

 

Sean Connery

1930-2020

Goodbye, Sir Thomas.
Mrs. Moneypenny's pole
Awaits your thrown hat.

—James M. Maloney

Seven times as Bond
Nobody did it better
Wish somebody would

—Abbbie Rhodes

Emerge from the waves
Scuba to tux in one zip
That’s how you do that?

As a role model
Bond was untouchable but
Something to shoot for

—Tom Morrow

 

Rhonda Fleming

1923-2020

Technicolor queen
Hot red hair and cool green eyes
Kept us all spellbound

—Laurel Cannon

Helen Reddy

1941-2020

One hit wonder spawns
B-List celebrity life
All downhill from there

--Rhonda Helpern

 

Mac Davis

1942-2020

Famous as himself
Got rich writing hit songs for
Late-career Elvis

--Tom Morrow

 

Diana Rigg

1938-2020

Jump-started many 
A young boy’s adolescence 
Cat suit and Jag helped

—Abbie Rhodes

Role model for girls
Cautionary tale for boys
Kick-ass sex symbol

—Olivia Cromwell

Saw her in that play
Abelard and Heloise
Totally naked

—Roger Rabid

Goodbye, Mrs. Peel.
In your youth you taught me well.
Your faithful steed heeds.

 

---James M. Maloney

Wilford Brimley

1934-2020

Korean War vet,
Sophisticated cowboy,
McCain's VP pick?

--James M. Maloney

 

 

Ian Holm

1931-2020

Entire career
Dwarfed by Hobbit, small
Role cast long shadow

--Abbie Rhodes

Fred Willard

1939-2020

Perfect deadpan dolt
Foil and fodder for improv
Guest star favorite

--Meyer Lehman

 

Jerry Stiller

1927-2020

Serenity now
For a comic actor who
Always seemed ticked off

--Abby Rhodes

John Prine

1946-2020

Dodged superstardom
And many other bullets
Of fame and fortune

--Abbey Rhodes

Bill Withers

1938-2020

Just the two of us,
Alone in the hereafter,
Hoping for the world.

--James M Maloney

Kenny Rogers

1938-2020

Know when to hold on,
You gotta know when to die.
His timing was right.

--James M Maloney

 

Max von Sydow

1929-2020

Cheated death, James Bond
And the Devil with trademark
Basso profundo

--Phil Valens

James Lipton

1926-2020

If heaven exists
He’s making it hell asking
His ten questions 

--Tom Erick

 

After he interviews
God, what’s he gonna do for
All eternity?

--Kim Ono

 

Robert Conrad

1935-2020

Short guy with short fuse
Got wild in the Wild Wild West
Eyed Hawaiians

--Thomas Hudson

 

That a battery
On your shoulder or you
Just happy to see me?

--O'Cyrus

 

 

 

Terry Jones

1942-2020

Farewell, Terry J
Naked came the organist
Life is wafer-thin

-O'Cyrus

 

Edd "Kookie" Byrnes

1933-2020

Slickest hair of all
77 Sunset's 
Epic pompadours

--O'Cyrus

Hairstyle that launched a
Million tubes of Brylcreem and
his cool-guy career

--Kim Ono

Godfather to Fonz
First DA on network show
Lent no one his comb

--Christian Marder

 

Buck Henry

1930-2020

Got Smart, met Nichols
Graduated to movies,
Samurai target

--Lairbo

 

Neil Innes

1944-2019

Bonzo Dog Band
Monty Python, the Rutles
Innes did it all

--O'Cyrus