Celebrity Death Haiku

Bernie Madoff

1938-2021

Made off with millions
Overconfident con man
All scheme, no exit

-- Abby Rhodes

Rush Limbaugh

1941-2021

The opposite truth
A name for me in Latin
For you, cruelty

Don’t think about it
The women in numbers like
He was good in bed

80s audience
The big suits, stockings even
Blood bath reckoning

Gelatinous claims
Succor of cigar and pills
His mic’s dead at last

Dead air fresh air, mic
All your breath and breasts harming
Those mourning him now

--S.E.Anderson

 

James “The Amazing” Randi

1928-2020

The skeptic’s skeptic
Called out paranormal fraud
We need more like him

—Abbey Rhodes

Wowed us by pointing
Out bullshit we should have seen
Coming a mile off

—Phil Valens

Just for exposing
Uri Geller, we owe him
Tons of gratitude

—Tom Morrow

 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

1933-2020

Held on for as long
As she could--longer, even
It's up to us now.

--O'Cyrus

* * *

Time to live up to
Her undying faith in us
We owe her no less

--J.K. Russell

* * *

Be like a dybbuk.
Stick around in spirit form
For the whole new year.

 

--James M. Maloney

 

 

Ari Behn

1972-2019

A man by a fire.
Do you believe in magic?
Kill them with kindness?

--Gomer Skelly

 

Robert Evans

1930-2019

The kid stays in the...
What? Dead? Well, then get me a
Robert Evans type!

--O. Cyrus

 

 

Harlan Ellison

1937-2018

A sci-fi bad boy
Has some unfinished business,
Treks off to Forever

--Michael Dominowski

David Bowie

1947 – 2016

The chameleon
From oddity to hero
Suffers last changes

— Dr. Vitz

 

Marion Barry

1936-2014

Barry caught on tape
When no one got caught on tape
He was first on line

—Dr. Vitz

Rubin Hurricane Carter

1937–2014

Justice miscarried
We all cared for Carter's cause
Cause Denzel played him

—Dr. Vitz

 

Ronnie Biggs

1929–2013

Ronnie Biggs robbed trains
Actually, just one train
But that one was great

—Jeff Tiedrich

 

Harry Reems

1947–2013

Reems was Ground Zero
For that cultural icon,
The porn star mustache

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Hugo Chavez

1954–2013

Chavez hated us
But enough time and pressure
Could make him our fuel

—Dr. Vitz

 

Helen Gurley Brown

1922–2012

Knew her audience
Better than they knew themselves;
Cheese for mouseburgers

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Did death tap its foot
While she finished dressing or
Roll its eyes and wait?

— Russell 1000 

Rodney King

1965-2012

Bad luck magnet whose
Best/worst luck was his beat-down
Getting caught on tape

—G. Runyon

Henry Hill

1943—2012

Much to his surprise
He outlived everyone who
Wanted to kill him

— O'Cyrus

 

Andrew Breitbart

1969–2012

Quick with opinions
And could adjust the edits
To create own facts

— Dr. Vitz

 

Kim Jong-Il

1942–2011

Word fun: change just one
Letter of  "Dear Leader" for
His status update

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Cartoon Bond villain
Wearing Jackie-O's eyewear
Eraserhead's hair

— Abbie Rhodes

 

Christopher Hitchens

1949–2011

Often made me mad.
Always made me think about
Why he'd made me mad

— Lairbo

* * *

Brilliant or blowhard?
We won't know until all of
His friends are dead, too

— Russell 1000

 

Kenneth Russell

1927-2011

After Russell's films --
Stylishly excessive porn
He finds heaven bland

-- Dr. Vitz

Muammar Gaddafi

1942 – 2011

Spell it "Gadhafi",
"Qaddafi" or "Khadafy",
He's "khasualty" now

— Russell 1000

 

Amy Winehouse

1983–2011

Hey Amy Winehouse — 
That "won't go to rehab" thing,
How did that work out?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Cautionary tale:
When they say "go to rehab"
Don't say "no no no"  

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Perhaps what's saddest
About this untimely death
Is that no one's shocked

— Inshallah 

Jack Kervorkian

1928-2011

Suicide's salesman
When facing his own decline
Waited for Reaper

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

As professional
Courtesy, Angel of Death
Says, "I got this one."

 -- Lairbo

* * *

So, did he get a
Little help from his friends or
Just die natcherly?

-- O'Cyrus

 

Osama Bin Laden

1957–2011

First — stop thumbing nose
Next — you are headed down and
Don't expect virgins

— David Pelovitz

 

Owsley Stanley

1935 – 2011

If not for Owsley
Trips might have been just as long
But a lot less strange

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Bear's choice recipe
Crossed a diamond with a pearl
Many stared at hands

— Dr. Vitz