Celebrity Death Haiku

Joe Coulombe

1930-2020

Farewell, Trader Joe
Awesome produce and prices
But the parking, sheesh

—Tom Morrow

 

Anthony Bourdain

1956-2018

That first oyster, then
A culinary bad boy steals
Off to parts unknown.

--Michael Dominowski

 

 

Elaine Kaufman

1929 – 2010

Ran NYC den
That pampered the famous while
Tourists ate in back

— Dr. Vitz

 

Morrie Yohai

1920 – 2010

Bye, Morrie Yohai
Cheeze Doodles and Melba Toast
Thanks for all the crunch

— D. Berk

* * *

Fingers stained orange
Morrie did other stuff too
But Cheez Doodles rule!

— Susan J Weiand

Jimmy Dean

1928 – 2010

Realized people would
Pay more for country sausage
Than country music

— Lairbo

Leslie Buck

1922 – 2010

Cops, commuters and

Kvetches drank from his icon

It was Greek to us

— Lairbo

* * *

Only character

That's been with Law & Order

Since the beginning

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Iconic cup for 

Regular joes on the go

The anti Starbuck

— Russell 1000

Thomas Angove

1918 – 2010

The Aussie who put

Wine in a box is now in

A box of his own

— O'Cyrus

Ronald Howes

1926 – 2010

I said it then and 

I'll say it now, it's a light

Bulb in a tin box!

— Lairbo

Phil Harris

1957 – 2010

Sleeps with the fishes

Now; Phil Harris makes his last,

And deadliest, catch

— Russell 1000

Glenn Bell Jr.

1923 – 2010

Did to tacos what

McD's — for better and worse —

Did to hamburgers

— Lairbo

* * *

Taco Bell founder

Gets his last order to go

First the dog, now this!

— Russell 1000

Donald Goerke

1926 – 2010

Uh-oh. The guy who

Created SpaghettiOs

Passed his sell-by date

— Lairbo

Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua

1995 – 2009

Ask not for whom the

Taco Bell tolls — it tolls for

Gidget the spokesdog

— Lairbo

* * *

Taco loving dog

Finally bites the big one

Not in a good way

— Lairbo

Oscar Mayer

1914 – 2009

I'm so glad that I'm 

Not Oscar Mayer's wiener

'Cause then I'd be DEAD

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Pass the black Poupon

My gravestone has a first name

O-S-C-A-R . . . 

— Meanie the Blue

Dom DeLuise

1933 – 2009

His Cannonball Run
Over now, Fatso made us
Laugh until The End
— Meanie the Blue

Paul Newman

1925 – 2008

Salad days over 

Cool hand now forever gone 

Through Hole in the Wall

 — Meanie the Blue 

What we have here is 

Failure to resuscitate 

Rest in peace, cool hand 

— Jeff Tiedrich

Frank Perdue

1920 – 2005

Made his the name you

Trust for chicken; likely the

Only one you know

— Lairbo

* * *

Tough man made chickens

Tender; and you really do

Not wanna know how

— O'Cyrus

Dave Thomas

1932 – 2002

Made better burgers

Than most fast-food places and

Knew where the beef was

— Lairbo

Spuds MacKenzie

1983 – 1993

Lassie was really
Male, so why such a big deal
That Spuds was a bitch?

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Spuds, that bitch, trying
To be so butch with all the
The hot chicks and beer

— Roger Rabid

Ray Kroc

1902 – 1984

Grew big business
And customers' waistlines with
Lots of small burgers

— Lairbo

 

Marco Polo

1254 – 1324

Merchant of Venice
Without whom Chinese take-out
Would be but a dream

— Ricky "Po Boy" Saunders

 

Carmen Miranda

1909 – 1955

She could sing, she could
Dance, but all we saw was that
Fruit basket up top

— Lairbo

Dylan Thomas

1914 – 1953

Drank himself into

A coma at the White Horse

Like so many since

— Russell 1000

W.C. Fields

1880 – 1946

He would never give

A sucker an even break

Just the swift odd crack

— St. Blaise

Louis Pasteur

1822 — 1895

When Pasteur passed on

It's said his wife's blood curdled

But no so her milk

— St. Blaise