Celebrity Death Haiku

Jackie Mason

1928-2021

Catskill kvetcher
Hit Broadway in the Borscht Belt
Gave Ed “The Finger”

Observational
Comedy at it’s apex
Of obnoxiousness

Didn’t flip off Ed
Wished he had, ultimately
No Fall, no comeback

—Yur Namhir

Norm Crosby

1927-2020

Ascots to Ascots
Dismembered beyond his dearth
RPM boyo

—Tom Morrow

 

Fred Willard

1939-2020

Perfect deadpan dolt
Foil and fodder for improv
Guest star favorite

--Meyer Lehman

 

Jerry Stiller

1927-2020

Serenity now
For a comic actor who
Always seemed ticked off

--Abby Rhodes

Terry Jones

1942-2020

Farewell, Terry J
Naked came the organist
Life is wafer-thin

-O'Cyrus

 

Buck Henry

1930-2020

Got Smart, met Nichols
Graduated to movies,
Samurai target

--Lairbo

 

Neil Innes

1944-2019

Bonzo Dog Band
Monty Python, the Rutles
Innes did it all

--O'Cyrus

 

Rip Torn

1931-2019

R.I.P. Rip Torn
Now dressed in the last suit
He will ever wear

--Romona Clift

* * *

Men in Black wasn’t, but
The Maidstone brawl was real, and
that bank stick-up too

--Michael Dominowski

Arte Johnson

1929-2019

Kraut behind bushes,
Lech on a bench; he was veh-
ry in-te-resting

--Kim Ono

 

 

Tim Conway

1933-2019

Adlib master heals
America’s funnybone
After instant flop

---Michael Dominowski

Peter Tork

1942-2019

A real musician
Also played one on TV
Monkee-wrenched career

--O'Cyrus

 

Carol Channing

1921-2019

Song, footwork, laughter
Huge eyes, monumental smile
Always our Dolly

--Michael Dominowski

Burt Reynolds

1936-2018

Outrunning Smokey
Made cinema turkeys pay.
But that Tiparillo!

--Michael Dominowski

 

Bidding Burt adieu.
Too fancy for the Bandit?
Yeah. Later, gator!

-Abby Rhodes

Carrie Fisher

1956–2016

So clever with the
Danish pastry Princess hair
Miss you already

–babatjie

 

Zsa Zsa Gabor

1917 – 2016

Famous mostly for
Just being famous, although
She did do it first
–O'Cyrus

Called everybody
"Dahling" except, of course, that
Cop she slapped silly
–Lairbo

 

Mickey Rooney

1920–2014

Mickey's eyes light up:
"Hey kids, let's put on a show!"
"I'll be the dead one."

— Jeff Tiedrich

Harold Ramis

1944–2013

Ain’t ‘fraid of no ghosts
Now that afterlife features
Endless Ramis loop

— Dr. Vitz

* * *

Ramis was too young
I don't know how it happened
Did he cross the streams?

— Tracey

 

Annette Funicello

1942–2013

M-I-C-K-E-
Y? because Baby Boomer
boys liked your sweater

--babatjie

Bonnie Franklin

1944–2013

Divorced mom’s troubles
One daughter turns to drug use
One to Van Halen

— Dr. Vitz

 

Phyllis Diller

1917–2012

Had better plastic
Surgeon than Joan Rivers and
Funnier, to boot

— O'Cyrus

 

Tom Davis

1952–2012

Al's second fiddle
Like too many funny men
Largely unnoticed

— Dr. Vitz

 

Ernest Borgnine

1917–2012

The real story of
His short marriage to Merman?
Don't know, don't want to

— G. Runyon

* * *

Convincing baddie —
Even his "good guys" seemed on
The verge of rampage

— Russell 1000

* * *

Played full width and breadth
Of his narrow range, and with
Gusto every time

— Abbie Rhodes

 

Andy Griffith

1926-2012

The sheriff? Matlock?
Will either outlive that theme
We all can whistle?

— Dr. Vitz

 

Nora Ephron

1941—2012

Interned at Kennedy
White House, greeted the Beatles...
How'd she miss Woodstock?

— G. Runyon

* * *

Imagine the book
She'd have written if Jack had
Made a pass at her

— O'Cyrus

 

 

Richard Dawson

1932–2012

Way to get noticed
After years out of spot-
Light? Survey says: Death!

— O'Cyrus