Celebrity Death Haiku

Mike Wallace

1918–2012

Flash of pearly whites
A gentle "Forgive me, but..."
He went for the kill

— Russell 1000

* * *

How did anyone
Hiding something think that
They could outwit him?

— O'Cyrus

 

Davy Jones

1945–2012

Now Davy Jones? Jeez.
One more boyhood icon gone
I'm a bereaver

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Pre-teen idol from
Pre-fab foursome
Croaks prematurely

— Russell 1000

* * *

Pop music sweetheart
Just when "sour" became the
Flavor of the month

— Lairbo

 * * *

Mock at your peril;
Stephen Stills auditioned
For the Monkees gig

— Abby Rhodes

 

Joe Frazier

1944–2011

Took down The Greatest
Nearly killed him in Thrilla
Smokin' without grill

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Let's turn to Cosell
For the last words on Smokin' Joe:
"And down goes Frazier!"

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Steve Jobs

1955–2011

Jobs has a new gig:
convincing the living that
death's insanely great

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Having changed our world
Jobs is no doubt now changing
Whatever comes next

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Cannot imagine
How many read his obit  
On a Mac product

— Inshallah

* * *

With the death of Jobs  
The Apple War is over ...  
Paul McCartney wins!

— Inshallah

Bubba Smith

1945–2011

Gentle giant off
The field; on the gridiron,
Not so much "gentle"

— Roger Rabid

 

Peter Falk

1927-2011

I guess the Reaper
Wasn't taken in by that
"One more question" ruse

-- Jeff Tiedrich

Clarence Clemons

1942-2011

You can't imagine
Born to Run without sax break?
Now it's easier

Dr. Vitz

 

Leonard B. Stern

1923-2011

Leonard B. Stern has
[farted]. We mourn his [boner].
We will all [poop] him.

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Mad Libs, Get Smart,
And The Honeymooners, too?!
Man was a genius

-- O'Cyrus

Owsley Stanley

1935 – 2011

If not for Owsley
Trips might have been just as long
But a lot less strange

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Bear's choice recipe
Crossed a diamond with a pearl
Many stared at hands

— Dr. Vitz

 

 

Suze Rotolo

1943–2011

Brushed off her brush with
Someone else's fame, alright
She didn't look back

— Lairbo

 

Kenneth Mars

1936 – 2011

A funeral is 
An ugly think, und, I think
It's time to have mine

— Roger Rabid

 

Maria Schneider

1952 – 2011

Best known for getting
Buttered up by Brando for
That one last tango

— Russell 1000

John Barry

1933 – 2011

Nobody did it
Better (music to spy by)
Barry, John Barry

— Lairbo

 

Milton M. Levine

1913 – 2011

Proved baby boomers
Will watch anything on a
Glass rectangle

— Lairbo

 

David Frye

1934 – 2011

It was uncanny — 
I mean, you could have sworn that
Nixon died again

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Meader (Kennedy),
Frye (Nixon), Hartman (Clinton) . . .
Look out, Tina Fey

— Russell 1000 

Susannah York

1939 – 2011

Major reason that
Women with British accents
Always get me hot

— Roger Rabid

 

Jack LaLanne

1914 – 2011

Undeterred by death
LaLanne's corpse will pull his hearse
To prove his fitness

— Dr. Vitz

 

Sargent Shriver

1915 – 2011

Camelot in-law
Did the heavy lifting of
Public servitude

— Russell 1000

 

Don Kirshner

1934 – 2011

Sullivan in a
Leisure suit, only stiffer
And never blinking

— Lairbo

* * *

Impresario
For bubblegum and rock stars
But kept nerdy style

— Dr. Vitz

 

David Nelson

1936 – 2011

Trying to picture
Him, all I see is Wally,
Beav's older brother

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Why David Nelson?
'Cause every family
Needs its own Zeppo

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Peter Yates

1929 – 2011

Yates had us watching
Bullitt in San Fran streets and
Bisset in towel

— Dr. Vitz

* * *

Tony Bennett left
His heart in San Francisco.
Peter Yates? Skidmarks

— Roger Rabid

 

Gerry Rafferty

1947 – 2011

He leaves Baker Street
Rafferty starts afterlife
Stuck in the middle?

— Dr. Vitz

* * *

Dirt to the left of
Me, dirt to the right, stuck in
A coffin with you

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

 

 

Anne Francis

1930 – 2011

If my own daughter
Dressed like that, you bet there'd be
Monsters from the id

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Robby the robot
Mourns the loss of Honey West
Sexy mole is gone

— Susan J Weind

 

Don "Captain Beefheart" Van Vliet

1941 – 2010

Van Vliet was a fraud!
First, he lied about his rank.
And his heart? Human.

— Jeff Tiedrich

Blake Edwards

1922 – 2010

Never read a script
That couldn't be improved by
Adding a pie fight

— Lairbo