Celebrity Death Haiku

Merlin Olsen

1940 – 2010

In either outfit — 

Ram or Roman Catholic

Olsen was fearsome

— Phil Valens

Phil Harris

1957 – 2010

Sleeps with the fishes

Now; Phil Harris makes his last,

And deadliest, catch

— Russell 1000

Pernell Roberts

1928 – 2010

Trapper John was bald

Adam's hair was thick; was it

A rug or acting?

— Lairbo

* * *

Left Ponderosa

In a huff, wound up in San

Fran as grouchy doc

— Russell 1000

Robert B. Parker

1932 – 2010

Hired away from Spenser

Long enough to finish off

Philip Marlowe twice

— Lairbo

Glenn Bell Jr.

1923 – 2010

Did to tacos what

McD's — for better and worse —

Did to hamburgers

— Lairbo

* * *

Taco Bell founder

Gets his last order to go

First the dog, now this!

— Russell 1000

Donald Goerke

1926 – 2010

Uh-oh. The guy who

Created SpaghettiOs

Passed his sell-by date

— Lairbo

Art Clokey

1921 – 2009

Trippiest TV 

Around until the Kroffts went

All psychedelic

— Russell 1000

* * *

Gumby, Pokey and

Davey & Goliath? Who

The hell was this guy?

— Phil Valens

* * *

Green guy with slanted 

Head, bell-bottom legs and 

A talking horse friend?

— Lairbo

Roy E. Disney

1930 – 2009

Huey or Louie

To Uncle Walt's Donald; a

Mini to his Mouse

— St. Blaise

Oral Roberts

1918 – 2009

Healed those stricken with

Full wallets and empty heads

God's extortionist

— Russell 1000

* * *

Fleeced flock for millions

Claiming God held him hostage

Ransom paid in full

— Phil Valens

Gene Barry

1919 – 2009

Fought TV bad guys

In suave, high style as both Burke

And Bat Masterson

— Lairbo

Sy Syms

1926 – 2009

The Grim Reaper, an

Educated consumer,

Gets Sy off-the-rack

— Lairbo

David Lloyd

1934 – 2009

David Lloyd's passing 

Was more somber, one hopes, than

When Chuckles bit it

— Jeff Tiedrich

Soupy Sales

1926 – 2009

Best kids' show ever

Pie fights, puppets and — surprise!

A knock at the door

— Lairbo

* * *

Young at Heart never

Never sounded better than 

When Pookie sang it

— Phil Valens

* * *

Like Pee Wee's Playhouse,

Minus the post-modern and

Way creepy subtexts

— Russell 1000

Vic Mizzy

1916 – 2009

TV theme tunesmith

Scores big using finger snaps

And a harpsichord

— Lairbo

Henry Gibson

1935 – 2009

Gone now, and that's 

Too bad; Forgotten sooner

And that's too badder

— Lairbo

Larry Gelbart

1928 — 2009

M*A*S*H, Tootsie... Oh God!

Funny things happened on the way

From his typewriter 

— St. Blaise

Don Hewitt

1931 – 2009

It's starting to look

Like Andy Rooney's gonna

Outlive all of them

— Lairbo

Robert Novak

1931 – 2009

Robert Novak's death

Makes me ask; when Satan dies,

Where does he end up?

— Jeff Tiedrich

Frederick "The Reverend Ike" Eikerenkoetter II

1935 – 2009

Preached power within

Each and every one of our

Wallets — Praise the Lord!

—Lairbo

* * *

Fleeced flock with vision

Of riches past wildest dreams

Although his, not theirs

— Phil Valens

* * *

Preached lack of money

As root of evil and made

Sure he rolled in it

— Russell 1000

* * *

Curse not (he said) the 

Wealthy — enlightenment is

Riches' by-product

— Philco

Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua

1995 – 2009

Ask not for whom the

Taco Bell tolls — it tolls for

Gidget the spokesdog

— Lairbo

* * *

Taco loving dog

Finally bites the big one

Not in a good way

— Lairbo

Walter Cronkite

1916 – 2009

Uncle Walter's gone

The way it is is no more

Rather he'd stayed on

— Lairbo

* * *

Trusted the viewers

To have clues and half a brain

Won't see that again

 — Russell 1000

Karl Malden

1912 – 2009

How many of us

Still won't leave home without it

Because he said so

— Lairbo

* * *

On the Waterfront

Holy smoke, what a job done

Brando may have learned

— Clay Steiner/Writer Dude

* * *

Character actor

With a lead's talent, but a 

Too honkable nose

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

Pity Karl Malden

Shuffling off this mortal coil

Sans travelers checks

— Jeff Tiedrich

Gale Storm

1922 – 2009

Big Star on small screen

In black and white, and before

It was vast wasteland

— Lairbo

* * *

Had forgot about 

My Little Margie and, oh

Her other sitcom

— Phil Valens

* * *

Remember Gale Storm?

You may already be in 

The A.A.R.P.

 — Lairbo

 

Billy Mays

1958 – 2009

Kaboom! Billy Mays

Is no longer powered by

The air we all breathe

— Lairbo

* * *

Pitch it to us with

Unbridled enthusiasm . . .

But wait, there's no more

— Russell 1000

Farrah Fawcett

1947 — 2009

Object of desire

She launched a thousand hairdos

And many wet dreams

— Phil Valens

* * * 

Defined what's sexy

On your wall and in your dreams

For quite some time there

— Lairbo

* * *

After all these years

Tell me that poster's not hot

I mean, look at her!

— Russell 1000

* * *

Farrah Fawcett croaks

Upstaged in obit pages

Like Aldous Huxley

— Adrian Johnson