Celebrity Death Haiku

Harry Morgan

1915-2011

Cowpoke to colonel
Cop in between; looked 50
For as many years

-- Abbie Rhodes

 

Andy Rooney

1919–2011

'Ja ever notice
How stiff and cold I've become?
Why 'ja think that is?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Having run out of
Complaints in this life, he is
On to the next one

— Ishallah 

 

Bubba Smith

1945–2011

Gentle giant off
The field; on the gridiron,
Not so much "gentle"

— Roger Rabid

 

Peter Falk

1927-2011

I guess the Reaper
Wasn't taken in by that
"One more question" ruse

-- Jeff Tiedrich

Leonard B. Stern

1923-2011

Leonard B. Stern has
[farted]. We mourn his [boner].
We will all [poop] him.

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Mad Libs, Get Smart,
And The Honeymooners, too?!
Man was a genius

-- O'Cyrus

Jeff Conaway

1950 – 2011

Please hail me a cab
Sorry, our driver is dead
Conaway's flag down

— Ira Heller

Jackie Cooper

1922–2011

No matter what he 
Showed up in, you were always
Happy to see him

— Lairbo

 

Jane Russell

1921–2011

Full figured outlaw
That gentlemen preferred more
Than any old blonde

— Dr. Vitz

 

Kenneth Mars

1936 – 2011

A funeral is 
An ugly think, und, I think
It's time to have mine

— Roger Rabid

 

David Frye

1934 – 2011

It was uncanny — 
I mean, you could have sworn that
Nixon died again

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Meader (Kennedy),
Frye (Nixon), Hartman (Clinton) . . .
Look out, Tina Fey

— Russell 1000 

Jack LaLanne

1914 – 2011

Undeterred by death
LaLanne's corpse will pull his hearse
To prove his fitness

— Dr. Vitz

 

Don Kirshner

1934 – 2011

Sullivan in a
Leisure suit, only stiffer
And never blinking

— Lairbo

* * *

Impresario
For bubblegum and rock stars
But kept nerdy style

— Dr. Vitz

 

David Nelson

1936 – 2011

Trying to picture
Him, all I see is Wally,
Beav's older brother

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Why David Nelson?
'Cause every family
Needs its own Zeppo

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Anne Francis

1930 – 2011

If my own daughter
Dressed like that, you bet there'd be
Monsters from the id

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Robby the robot
Mourns the loss of Honey West
Sexy mole is gone

— Susan J Weind

 

Don Meredith

1938 – 2010

The party's really
Over for the Dandy Don, 
So turn out the lights

— Russell 1000

* * *

Between the brains and
The bore, Dandy Don was the
Booth's regular guy

— Roger Rabbid

 

Leslie Nielsen

1926 – 2010

Made Airplane take off
In a pre-TSA world
Can't call him Shirley

— Meanie the Blue

 

James MacArthur

1937 – 2010

McGarret got car
Chases, fisticuffs; Danno
Got the paperwork

— Lairbo

* * *

Can now roll over
In grave at lame remake of
Hawaii 5-0 

— Roger Rabid

 

Tom Bosley

1927 – 2010

Yo, Mr. C, your
Daughter just ran off with my
Greasy nephew, ayyyyyyy!  

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Fatherly to Fonz
And Dowling's flock; inept
Cop in Cabot Cove

— Abbie Rhodes

* * *

His poor police work 
Kept Jessica Fletcher in
Business for years 

— Russell 1000

* * *

Farther from Happy 
Days now than Happy Days was
Then from The Waltons 

— O'Cyrus

 

Barbara Billingsley

1915 — 2010

For all her worry
'Bout Beaver, she never seemed
All that desperate

— Abbie Rhodes

* * *

Only wore heels, it
Turns out, to stay taller than
Wally and the Beav

— Lairbo

 * * *

June Cleaver wore pearls
The standard for TV moms
No more cookies, Beav

— Susan J. Weiand

 * * *

Gee Mrs. Cleaver
Can Wally and the Beav play?
I mean cause you're dead

— Dr. Vitz

 

Joe Mantell

1916 – 2010

In a long career
Of small roles, he got two of
The best lines ever!

— Lairbo

 

Art Gilmore

1912 – 2010

Ever-present voice
Of radio, movies and
The Highway Patrol

— Lairbo

 

Greg Giraldo

1965 – 2010

Roast regular and
Serial series pilot
Casualty cancelled

— Lairbo

 

Gloria Stuart

1910 – 2010

She saw plenty in
Hollywood, including an
Invisible Man

— Lairbo

* * *

Her Titanic role
Was a just tip of  the old
Iceberg for grande dame

— Elkay

Eddie Fisher

1928 – 2010

Left Debbie for Liz
To be left for Dick Burton
But left us Leia

— Dr. Vitz

* * *

Crooner in the age
Of rock and roll's ascension
Missed it by that much

— Lairbo

* * *

Career blown to bits
By Elvis, private life shot
To hell by himself

— O'Cyrus

* * *

When she married him
Liz was just getting warmed up
Four down, four to go

— Lairbo

* * *

Couldn't compete with
Elvis or Sinatra, but still
Got around plenty

— Russell 1000

Harold Gould

1923 – 2010

Nearly dad of That
Girl and Richie Cunningham;
Wound up as Rhoda's

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Always dapper, suave
And about to get the rug
Pull out from under

— Russell 1000