Celebrity Death Haiku

LeRoy Neiman

1921—2012

His true artistry
Was the way he lived; and, yeah
That giant mustache

— G. Runyon

* * *

Did what he loved and
Got paid for it handsomely
Suck it, art critics

— O'Cyrus

 

Gary Carter

1954–2012

Believe it or not
One time, the Mets didn't suck
Carter's one reason

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Robert Hegyes

1951–2011

Dear Mr. Kotter
Robert's career is absent
Signed Epstein's Mother

— Dr. Vitz

 

Joe Frazier

1944–2011

Took down The Greatest
Nearly killed him in Thrilla
Smokin' without grill

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Let's turn to Cosell
For the last words on Smokin' Joe:
"And down goes Frazier!"

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Bubba Smith

1945–2011

Gentle giant off
The field; on the gridiron,
Not so much "gentle"

— Roger Rabid

 

Don Meredith

1938 – 2010

The party's really
Over for the Dandy Don, 
So turn out the lights

— Russell 1000

* * *

Between the brains and
The bore, Dandy Don was the
Booth's regular guy

— Roger Rabbid

 

Jim Heselden

1948 – 2010

Segway proves handy
Transport from this life to the
Next for new owner

— Lairbo

 * * *

New Segway sales pitch:
"It's the last vehicle you'll
Ever need to buy!"

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Those who wouldn't be
Caught dead on one of these things
Can have it both ways

— Russell 1000

 

George Blanda

1927 – 2010

Blanda survived hell,
Bryant, Hallas, and Davis
But not father time

— Jay Strauss

* * *

For twenty six years
Blanda threw and kicked it all
And now, the bucket

— Jay Strauss

 

Bobby Thomson

1923 – 2010

One swing of the bat
The Giants win the pennant!
Brooklyn dies some more

— Ira Heller

Ralph Houk

1919 – 2010

Boyhood memory:
Dad yells at TV, cursing
Houk's last-place Yankees

— Jeff Tiedrich

George Steinbrenner

 1930 – 2010

Suspicious timing:
Did George decide he had to
Fire Bob Sheppard?

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Here's hoping Billy
Martin is among the first
Five people he meets

— Roger Rabid

* * *

George, bring me my lunch
Larry voiced me on Seinfeld
Calzones are the best

— Sue Weiand

Bob Sheppard

1910 – 2010

Introduced them all,
Superstar, scrub or rookie,
With stately respect

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

Up from the minors
Now batting for the Angels...
*Standing ovation*

— Meanie the Blue

John Wooden

1910 – 2010

Wizard of Westwood's
Final buzzer sounds on college
Hoops' winningest coach

— Phil Valens

Merlin Olsen

1940 – 2010

In either outfit — 

Ram or Roman Catholic

Olsen was fearsome

— Phil Valens

Dick Francis

1920 – 2010

Short guy has two long
Careers: riding, then writing
About, racehorses

— Lairbo

 

Walter Frederick Morrison

1920 – 2010

Turned flying pie tin

Into competitive sport

For stoners with dogs

— Lairbo

* * * 

He threw a pie tin

Right into the public eye

It really took off

— Meanie the Blue

Jim Carroll

1949 – 2009

A Catholic Boy

Joins his friends who have died, died

It still beats Riker's

— Meanie the Blue

Eunice Kennedy Shriver

1921 – 2009

Famous name or not

She chose to do good when she

Could have done nothing

— Russell 1000

* * *

Sure, we all know why

Jack and Bob had to be killed 

But Eunice? Why her?

 — Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Can Kennedy death

Beat Jackson autopsy for

Media spotlight?

 — Phil Valens

Paul Newman

1925 – 2008

Salad days over 

Cool hand now forever gone 

Through Hole in the Wall

 — Meanie the Blue 

What we have here is 

Failure to resuscitate 

Rest in peace, cool hand 

— Jeff Tiedrich

Edmund Hillary

1919 – 2008

New Zealand hero
Before Peter Jackson and
Without CGI

— Lairbo

Phil Rizzuto

1917 – 2007

One last "Holy cow!"
Phil Rizzuto's outta here
Going, going, gone

— Jeff Tiedrich

Barbaro

2003 – 2007

Stud farm dream is done
The glue factory awaits
Barbaro is dead

— Lairbo

Red Auerbach

1917 – 2006

Color-blind coaching,

Fast breaks and trash talk made him

Celtics' seventh man

— Phil Valens

Ted Williams

1918 – 2002

His life and career
May be over with, but his
Head's still in the game

— Lairbo

Seattle Slew

1974 – 2002

Triple Crown winner

Undefeated until death 

Came up from behind

— Lairbo