Celebrity Death Haiku

John M. Shalikashvili

1936–2011

From draftee to top
Brass hat; agreed not to ask
Hoping no one'd tell

— Russell 1000

* * *

Shalikashvili's
Name alone wasted entire
Line of death haiku

— Dr. Vitz

 

 

Betty Ford

1918–2011

If we voted for
First Ladies, Betty would've
Been a two-termer

— Lairbo

* * *

Made celebrity
Sobriety hip and, for
Some, habitual

— Roger Rabid

 

Geraldine Ferraro

1935–2011

Never stood a chance
But still managed to stand for
Something, nonetheless

— Russell 1000

 * * *

At least if she'd got 
Near the White House she'd have know
What to do with it

— Roger Rabid

 

David Frye

1934 – 2011

It was uncanny — 
I mean, you could have sworn that
Nixon died again

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Meader (Kennedy),
Frye (Nixon), Hartman (Clinton) . . .
Look out, Tina Fey

— Russell 1000 

Sargent Shriver

1915 – 2011

Camelot in-law
Did the heavy lifting of
Public servitude

— Russell 1000

 

Theodore Sorensen

1928 – 2010

Ask not what the land
Did for Sorensen, ask how
He'll enrich the soil

— Dr. Vitz

* * * 

Kennedy's wordsmith
Intellectual blood bank
Fuel on the flame

— Russell 1000

* * *

Wasn't Camelot
He said; what followed only
Made it seem that way

— Roger Rabid

 

Daniel Schorr

1916 – 2010

Pissed off Krushchev then
Wound up on Nixon's shit list.
Now, there's your headline

— Lairbo

* * * 

Late of CBS,
CNN and NPR;
Now just flat out late

— Roger Rabid

Alexander Haig

1924 – 2010

Maybe we'd have been

Better off if he'd been in 

Control at the time

— Russell 1000

Corazon Aquino

1933 – 2009

Stepped in when Marcos

Got kicked out; Philippines' first 

People-powered prez

— Lairbo

* * *

Opened the door for

Philippine democracy

It took all she had

— Russell 1000

Saddam Hussein

1937 – 2006

Everything you want
In a loony dictator
Except WMD

— Russell 1000

 

Phil Hartman

1948 – 1998

Man of a thousand
Voices; sadly, also a
Crazed wife with a gun

— Lairbo

   

Richard Nixon

1912 – 1994

We don't have Nixon

To kick around anymore — 

But Satan does! Ha!

— Jeff Tiedrich

Ling-Ling

1969 – 1992

Like so many who

Go to DC, she didn't

Produce anything

— Phil Valens

Ferdinand Marcos

1917 – 1989

After Ferdy's fall

Filipinos fretted, who'd 

Fill Imelda's shoes?

— St. Blaise

Leonid Brezhnev

1907 – 1982

His eyebrows alone

Might have won Cold War; lucky

Our side had Teller's

— Phil Valens

Golda Meir

1898 – 1978

Before Happy Days,
Most notable person to
Come from Milwaukee

— Roger Rabbid

 

Lyndon B. Johnson

1908 – 1973

What he did to his
Beagles was nothing compared
To his rivals' fates

— Russell 1000

 

Charles DeGaulle

1890 – 1970

Hero in his own

Nation, but a pain in the

Ass to most others'

— Lairbo

 

William Henry Harrison

1773–1841

It wouldn't have killed
Him to put on a coat and
Hat in that weather

— Lairbo

 

Jack Ruby

1911 – 1967

They picked the right guy
For the job; took his secrets
With him to the grave

— Russell 1000 

Joseph P. Kennedy

1888 – 1969

All four of his sons
Together couldn't match him
For sheer ruthlessness

— Abby Rhodes

* * *

Tactless diplomat
At a crucial time; his sons
Paid for it later

— Russell 1000

 

Huey Long

1893 – 1935

All the Kingfish's 
Men still sing his praises, those
Opposed still vote nay

— O'Cyrus

Marilyn Monroe

1926 – 1962

Lover of playwrights,
Presidents, ballplayers — God
Knows who the hell else

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Needed more love than
Men, the movies and public
Acclaim could give her

— O'Cyrus

* * *

At least she didn't
Have to read Mailer's jack-off 
Tribute books to her

— Lairbo

Mary Todd Lincoln

1818 – 1882

As if Abe didn't
Already have enough tsuris
His wife was nuts, too

— Roger Rabid

Benito Mussolini

1882 – 1945

No one before or

Since, apparently, has made 

The trains run on time

 — O'Cyrus