Celebrity Death Haiku

Gary Carter

1954–2012

Believe it or not
One time, the Mets didn't suck
Carter's one reason

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Whitney Houston

1963–2012

A powerful voice
Gone silent much too early
Oh – hell to the no!

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Not nearly enough
Bodyguards to protect her
From her own worst self

— Philco

* * *

Hope that she will be
Remembered for her talent —
Not for the trainwreck

— Inshallah

 

Robert Hegyes

1951–2011

Dear Mr. Kotter
Robert's career is absent
Signed Epstein's Mother

— Dr. Vitz

 

Ronald Searle

1920–2011

Ask not for whom the
Belles of St. Trinian's toll —
They toll for Ronald

— Lairbo

 

Cheetah

19??–2011

Chimp Cheetah played fair
Flinging feces at bad guys,
Not Tarzan and Jane

— Basil St. Blaise

* * * 

Noble Cheetah slipped
On Big Banana Peel, joins
Johnny Weismuller

— Basil St. Blaise

* * *

 

 

Kim Jong-Il

1942–2011

Word fun: change just one
Letter of  "Dear Leader" for
His status update

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Cartoon Bond villain
Wearing Jackie-O's eyewear
Eraserhead's hair

— Abbie Rhodes

 

Christopher Hitchens

1949–2011

Often made me mad.
Always made me think about
Why he'd made me mad

— Lairbo

* * *

Brilliant or blowhard?
We won't know until all of
His friends are dead, too

— Russell 1000

 

Harry Morgan

1915-2011

Cowpoke to colonel
Cop in between; looked 50
For as many years

-- Abbie Rhodes

 

Kenneth Russell

1927-2011

After Russell's films --
Stylishly excessive porn
He finds heaven bland

-- Dr. Vitz

Bil Keane

1921–2011

Dotted line showing 
Bil’s tortuous pathway home 
Just got new end point

— Dr. Vitz

 

Joe Frazier

1944–2011

Took down The Greatest
Nearly killed him in Thrilla
Smokin' without grill

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Let's turn to Cosell
For the last words on Smokin' Joe:
"And down goes Frazier!"

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Andy Rooney

1919–2011

'Ja ever notice
How stiff and cold I've become?
Why 'ja think that is?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Having run out of
Complaints in this life, he is
On to the next one

— Ishallah 

 

Steve Jobs

1955–2011

Jobs has a new gig:
convincing the living that
death's insanely great

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Having changed our world
Jobs is no doubt now changing
Whatever comes next

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Cannot imagine
How many read his obit  
On a Mac product

— Inshallah

* * *

With the death of Jobs  
The Apple War is over ...  
Paul McCartney wins!

— Inshallah

Bubba Smith

1945–2011

Gentle giant off
The field; on the gridiron,
Not so much "gentle"

— Roger Rabid

 

Amy Winehouse

1983–2011

Hey Amy Winehouse — 
That "won't go to rehab" thing,
How did that work out?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Cautionary tale:
When they say "go to rehab"
Don't say "no no no"  

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Perhaps what's saddest
About this untimely death
Is that no one's shocked

— Inshallah 

Betty Ford

1918–2011

If we voted for
First Ladies, Betty would've
Been a two-termer

— Lairbo

* * *

Made celebrity
Sobriety hip and, for
Some, habitual

— Roger Rabid

 

George C. Ballas

1925-2011

Knew how many weeds
A Weed Whacker could whack, if...
You can guess the rest

—Roger Rabid

 

Peter Falk

1927-2011

I guess the Reaper
Wasn't taken in by that
"One more question" ruse

-- Jeff Tiedrich

Clarence Clemons

1942-2011

You can't imagine
Born to Run without sax break?
Now it's easier

Dr. Vitz

 

Leonard B. Stern

1923-2011

Leonard B. Stern has
[farted]. We mourn his [boner].
We will all [poop] him.

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Mad Libs, Get Smart,
And The Honeymooners, too?!
Man was a genius

-- O'Cyrus

Jack Kervorkian

1928-2011

Suicide's salesman
When facing his own decline
Waited for Reaper

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

As professional
Courtesy, Angel of Death
Says, "I got this one."

 -- Lairbo

* * *

So, did he get a
Little help from his friends or
Just die natcherly?

-- O'Cyrus

 

Jeff Conaway

1950 – 2011

Please hail me a cab
Sorry, our driver is dead
Conaway's flag down

— Ira Heller

Jackie Cooper

1922–2011

No matter what he 
Showed up in, you were always
Happy to see him

— Lairbo

 

Geraldine Ferraro

1935–2011

Never stood a chance
But still managed to stand for
Something, nonetheless

— Russell 1000

 * * *

At least if she'd got 
Near the White House she'd have know
What to do with it

— Roger Rabid

 

Elizabeth Taylor

1932 - 2011

Many husbands and
Violet eyes we'd die for...
If she hadn't first 

-- Dr. Vitz

* * *

And you think you have
A hard time remembering
Anniversaries

-- Loren Ipsum

* * *

Her beauty upstaged
Her talent, her marriages
Overshadowed both

-- Roger Rabbid

 * * *

Hilton, Wilding, Todd
Fisher, Burton and Burton,
Warner, Fortensky

— Lairbo