Celebrity Death Haiku

Alexander Haig

1924 – 2010

Maybe we'd have been

Better off if he'd been in 

Control at the time

— Russell 1000

Fran Lee

1910 – 2010

City dwellers who

Carry dog poop in a bag

Have Fran Lee to thank

— Jeff Tiedrich

Howard Zinn

1922 – 2010

Debunked the Pilgrims

Made us ask whose history

Is it, anyway?

— babatjie

Pernell Roberts

1928 – 2010

Trapper John was bald

Adam's hair was thick; was it

A rug or acting?

— Lairbo

* * *

Left Ponderosa

In a huff, wound up in San

Fran as grouchy doc

— Russell 1000

Miep Geis

1909 – 2010

Hid not just Anne, but 

Her cows, too. What? Diary?

Ohhhhh, that makes more sense

— Jeff Tiedrich

William Safire

1929 – 2009

A man of the Times

Nixed negative nattering

Yet nabobs loved him

— Russell 1000

* * *

Lexicographic 

Irregulars bow their heads

The Squad Squad bows twice

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

William Safire

Now nattering nabob of

Decomposition

 — Jeff Tiedrich

Irving Kristol

1920 – 2009

Counterpunched youthful 

Trotskyist leanings with a 

Hard right to the left

— Lairbo

* * *

Neocons mourning 

Spiritual godfather

Of their bastard creed

— St. Blaise

Mary Travers

1936 – 2009

Left Peter and Paul

Puffing the Magic Dragon

No jet plane needed

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

Mary Travers left

In coffin not on jet plane

Friend, that answer blows!

— babatjie

Edward "Ted" Kennedy

1932 – 2009

Symbol to many

Of whatever they needed

To hope for or hate

— Russell 1000

* * *

Some can't forgive his

Not dying young to round out

Tragic trifecta

— Phil Valens

Robert Novak

1931 – 2009

Robert Novak's death

Makes me ask; when Satan dies,

Where does he end up?

— Jeff Tiedrich

Eunice Kennedy Shriver

1921 – 2009

Famous name or not

She chose to do good when she

Could have done nothing

— Russell 1000

* * *

Sure, we all know why

Jack and Bob had to be killed 

But Eunice? Why her?

 — Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Can Kennedy death

Beat Jackson autopsy for

Media spotlight?

 — Phil Valens

Corazon Aquino

1933 – 2009

Stepped in when Marcos

Got kicked out; Philippines' first 

People-powered prez

— Lairbo

* * *

Opened the door for

Philippine democracy

It took all she had

— Russell 1000

Walter Cronkite

1916 – 2009

Uncle Walter's gone

The way it is is no more

Rather he'd stayed on

— Lairbo

* * *

Trusted the viewers

To have clues and half a brain

Won't see that again

 — Russell 1000

Robert McNamara

1916 – 2009

Bob McNamara

Years later, regretted war

Forgive him? Fuck that!

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * * 

Against the Edsel

But for the Vietnam War

Better luck next life

— Russell 1000

* * *

The stooped man looks up.

Counting the dead. Such numbers.

The heart is too late.

— PK

* * *

What's that you're saying?

Heck, no, I didn't just die!

I'm winning, I swear

— Meanie the Blue

Jack Kemp

1935 – 2009

Rare politico:

A conservative who really 

Was compassionate

— Russell 1000

Marilyn French

1929 – 2009

When she wrote, men fled

And sisters read. Ms. French made

Room for women's lib

— PK

Eartha Kitt

1927 – 2008

Purr for me, baby

Catwoman uses up all

Nine lives and then some

— Phil Valens

Mark "Deep Throat" Felt

1913 – 2008

Did a lot of good

For mostly the wrong reasons

Then kept his mouth shut

— Lairbo

* * * 

Mark Felt was Deep Throat

Woodward, Bernstein await call

On God's cover-ups

— Adrian M. Johnson

Odetta (Odetta Holmes)

1930 - 2008

Civil rights icon
A folkie that ain't gonna
Study war no more
— Meanie the Blue

Paul Newman

1925 – 2008

Salad days over 

Cool hand now forever gone 

Through Hole in the Wall

 — Meanie the Blue 

What we have here is 

Failure to resuscitate 

Rest in peace, cool hand 

— Jeff Tiedrich

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

1918 – 2008

Solzhenitsyn's name

Barely fits onto one line;

Problem for haiku

— Lairbo

* * *

Bitched about Russia;

Bitched about the west; heaven or

Hell's in for it now

— Lairbo

Jesse Helms

1921 – 2008

Guess he'd sooner die

Than see a black president

Live in the White House

— Lairbo

* * *

Most patriotic 

Thing Jesse Helms ever did:

Die on July 4

— Jeff Tiedrich

Charlton Heston

1924 – 2008

If you care to, you
May now pry that musket from
Heston's cold, dead hands

— Lairbo

* * *

Who will save us now
From all those damned, dirty apes?
James Franciscus? Pfft!

— Philco

* * *

Scenery no match 
For his powerful, clenched jaw
Soylent Green a snack

— Russell 1000

William F. Buckley

1925 – 2008

Now, from way up there
We look even tinier
Than he thought we were

— Lairbo

* * *

Not enough lines here
To quote the late Bill Buckley
Too many big words

— Jakalu

Boris Yeltsin

1931 – 2007

Boris Yeltsin's dead
Bravely drank communism
Under the table

— Jeff Tiedrich