Celebrity Death Haiku

Fess Parker

1924 – 2010

Think he ever felt

Bad about all those raccoons

That wound up as hats?

— Lairbo

Alex Chilton

1950 – 2010

Chilton didn't write

The Letter, but delivered 

It memorably

— Lairbo

Peter Graves

1926 – 2010

An Impossible 

Mission? Find something he wasn't

In since mid-Fifties

— Lairbo

* * * 

Was never in one

Of those gladiator films

Oveur liked so much

— Russell 1000

* * *

The Secretary

Cannot disavow your next

Mission, Jim. Oveur.

— Meanie the Blue

Merlin Olsen

1940 – 2010

In either outfit — 

Ram or Roman Catholic

Olsen was fearsome

— Phil Valens

Corey Haim

1971 — 2010

Hard to find your way

In or out of Hollywood 

When you're a Lost Boy

— Lairbo

* * *

Last Corey standing

Now has to go it alone

Lost Boy lost for good

— Russell 1000

Mark Linkhous

1962 – 2010

How I know I'm old:

Well-known rocker dies and I've

Never heard of him

— Jeff Tiedrich

Doug Fieger

1952 – 2010

Now that Fieger's gone

Expect parody death by

Weird Al Yankovich

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * * 

One-hit wonder, yeah

But such a little pretty

One, My Sharona

— Lairbo

Pernell Roberts

1928 – 2010

Trapper John was bald

Adam's hair was thick; was it

A rug or acting?

— Lairbo

* * *

Left Ponderosa

In a huff, wound up in San

Fran as grouchy doc

— Russell 1000

Kate McGarrigle

1946 – 2010

My wheel-like heart, bent

Without Kate McGarrigle

No more sister act

— babatjie

* * *

Leaves us with a couple 

More Wainwrights and a wealth of

Memorable music

— Lairbo

Teddy Pendergrass

1950 – 2010

Virile vocals and

Sensual lyrics crackled with

An erotic charge

— Lairbo

Brittany Murphy

1977 – 2009

Shooting starlet leaves

Only thin traces of a

Career that won't be

— Russell 1000

* * *

Brittany's best role

Ironically, The Dead Girl

Soon a cult classic?

— babatjie

Gene Barry

1919 – 2009

Fought TV bad guys

In suave, high style as both Burke

And Bat Masterson

— Lairbo

Soupy Sales

1926 – 2009

Best kids' show ever

Pie fights, puppets and — surprise!

A knock at the door

— Lairbo

* * *

Young at Heart never

Never sounded better than 

When Pookie sang it

— Phil Valens

* * *

Like Pee Wee's Playhouse,

Minus the post-modern and

Way creepy subtexts

— Russell 1000

Dickie Peterson

1948 – 2009

Ain't no cure for the

Summertime blues. Oh yeah, and

Liver cancer, too

— Jeff Tiedrich

Mary Travers

1936 – 2009

Left Peter and Paul

Puffing the Magic Dragon

No jet plane needed

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

Mary Travers left

In coffin not on jet plane

Friend, that answer blows!

— babatjie

Henry Gibson

1935 – 2009

Gone now, and that's 

Too bad; Forgotten sooner

And that's too badder

— Lairbo

Patrick Swayze

1952 – 2009

Terrific dancer,

Dirty and otherwise. Now  

(Again) dreamboat ghost

— Lairbo

* * *

Made Whoopie Goldberg

Plausible as object of 

Demi Moore's longing

— Phil Valens

Jim Carroll

1949 – 2009

A Catholic Boy

Joins his friends who have died, died

It still beats Riker's

— Meanie the Blue

Les Paul

1915 — 2009

Les Paul's legacy:

A whole generation now

Needing hearing aids

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

I may only play

Air guitar, but it's always

A Gibson Les Paul

— Lairbo

Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua

1995 – 2009

Ask not for whom the

Taco Bell tolls — it tolls for

Gidget the spokesdog

— Lairbo

* * *

Taco loving dog

Finally bites the big one

Not in a good way

— Lairbo

Gordon Waller

1945 – 2009 (of Peter and Gordon)

This must have been a 

World without love,  'cause Gordon 

Waller did not stay

— Jeff Tiedrich

Karl Malden

1912 – 2009

How many of us

Still won't leave home without it

Because he said so

— Lairbo

* * *

On the Waterfront

Holy smoke, what a job done

Brando may have learned

— Clay Steiner/Writer Dude

* * *

Character actor

With a lead's talent, but a 

Too honkable nose

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

Pity Karl Malden

Shuffling off this mortal coil

Sans travelers checks

— Jeff Tiedrich

Gale Storm

1922 – 2009

Big Star on small screen

In black and white, and before

It was vast wasteland

— Lairbo

* * *

Had forgot about 

My Little Margie and, oh

Her other sitcom

— Phil Valens

* * *

Remember Gale Storm?

You may already be in 

The A.A.R.P.

 — Lairbo

 

Michael Jackson

 

1958 – 2009

Lost childhood to fame

And fortune couldn't buy it

Back at any price

— Lairbo

* * *

His fan base stayed big

His noses and sanity,

However, did not

—Phil Valens

* * *

Outlived his career

But not his celebrity

Lost boy to the end

—Russell 1000

* * *

Fifty years ago?

Twiddely diddely dee

Impossibly sad

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

Michael Jackson's dead.

Not just his nose this time but

The rest of him, too

—JJ

* * *

Wacko Jacko dead

Parents of young boys relieved

Plastic surgeons weep

 — Jelly the Big

Farrah Fawcett

1947 — 2009

Object of desire

She launched a thousand hairdos

And many wet dreams

— Phil Valens

* * * 

Defined what's sexy

On your wall and in your dreams

For quite some time there

— Lairbo

* * *

After all these years

Tell me that poster's not hot

I mean, look at her!

— Russell 1000

* * *

Farrah Fawcett croaks

Upstaged in obit pages

Like Aldous Huxley

— Adrian Johnson