Celebrity Death Haiku

Whitney Houston

1963–2012

A powerful voice
Gone silent much too early
Oh – hell to the no!

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Not nearly enough
Bodyguards to protect her
From her own worst self

— Philco

* * *

Hope that she will be
Remembered for her talent —
Not for the trainwreck

— Inshallah

 

Robert Hegyes

1951–2011

Dear Mr. Kotter
Robert's career is absent
Signed Epstein's Mother

— Dr. Vitz

 

Cheetah

19??–2011

Chimp Cheetah played fair
Flinging feces at bad guys,
Not Tarzan and Jane

— Basil St. Blaise

* * * 

Noble Cheetah slipped
On Big Banana Peel, joins
Johnny Weismuller

— Basil St. Blaise

* * *

 

 

Harry Morgan

1915-2011

Cowpoke to colonel
Cop in between; looked 50
For as many years

-- Abbie Rhodes

 

Andy Rooney

1919–2011

'Ja ever notice
How stiff and cold I've become?
Why 'ja think that is?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Having run out of
Complaints in this life, he is
On to the next one

— Ishallah 

 

Bubba Smith

1945–2011

Gentle giant off
The field; on the gridiron,
Not so much "gentle"

— Roger Rabid

 

Amy Winehouse

1983–2011

Hey Amy Winehouse — 
That "won't go to rehab" thing,
How did that work out?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Cautionary tale:
When they say "go to rehab"
Don't say "no no no"  

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Perhaps what's saddest
About this untimely death
Is that no one's shocked

— Inshallah 

Peter Falk

1927-2011

I guess the Reaper
Wasn't taken in by that
"One more question" ruse

-- Jeff Tiedrich

Clarence Clemons

1942-2011

You can't imagine
Born to Run without sax break?
Now it's easier

Dr. Vitz

 

Jeff Conaway

1950 – 2011

Please hail me a cab
Sorry, our driver is dead
Conaway's flag down

— Ira Heller

Jackie Cooper

1922–2011

No matter what he 
Showed up in, you were always
Happy to see him

— Lairbo

 

Elizabeth Taylor

1932 - 2011

Many husbands and
Violet eyes we'd die for...
If she hadn't first 

-- Dr. Vitz

* * *

And you think you have
A hard time remembering
Anniversaries

-- Loren Ipsum

* * *

Her beauty upstaged
Her talent, her marriages
Overshadowed both

-- Roger Rabbid

 * * *

Hilton, Wilding, Todd
Fisher, Burton and Burton,
Warner, Fortensky

— Lairbo

 

Jane Russell

1921–2011

Full figured outlaw
That gentlemen preferred more
Than any old blonde

— Dr. Vitz

 

Kenneth Mars

1936 – 2011

A funeral is 
An ugly think, und, I think
It's time to have mine

— Roger Rabid

 

Maria Schneider

1952 – 2011

Best known for getting
Buttered up by Brando for
That one last tango

— Russell 1000

David Frye

1934 – 2011

It was uncanny — 
I mean, you could have sworn that
Nixon died again

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Meader (Kennedy),
Frye (Nixon), Hartman (Clinton) . . .
Look out, Tina Fey

— Russell 1000 

Susannah York

1939 – 2011

Major reason that
Women with British accents
Always get me hot

— Roger Rabid

 

Jack LaLanne

1914 – 2011

Undeterred by death
LaLanne's corpse will pull his hearse
To prove his fitness

— Dr. Vitz

 

Don Kirshner

1934 – 2011

Sullivan in a
Leisure suit, only stiffer
And never blinking

— Lairbo

* * *

Impresario
For bubblegum and rock stars
But kept nerdy style

— Dr. Vitz

 

David Nelson

1936 – 2011

Trying to picture
Him, all I see is Wally,
Beav's older brother

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Why David Nelson?
'Cause every family
Needs its own Zeppo

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Gerry Rafferty

1947 – 2011

He leaves Baker Street
Rafferty starts afterlife
Stuck in the middle?

— Dr. Vitz

* * *

Dirt to the left of
Me, dirt to the right, stuck in
A coffin with you

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

 

 

Don "Captain Beefheart" Van Vliet

1941 – 2010

Van Vliet was a fraud!
First, he lied about his rank.
And his heart? Human.

— Jeff Tiedrich

Don Meredith

1938 – 2010

The party's really
Over for the Dandy Don, 
So turn out the lights

— Russell 1000

* * *

Between the brains and
The bore, Dandy Don was the
Booth's regular guy

— Roger Rabbid

 

Leslie Nielsen

1926 – 2010

Made Airplane take off
In a pre-TSA world
Can't call him Shirley

— Meanie the Blue

 

Jill Clayburgh

1944 – 2010

Always played women
On the verge of something and
Nervous about it

— Lairbo