Celebrity Death Haiku

Leslie Nielsen

1926 – 2010

Made Airplane take off
In a pre-TSA world
Can't call him Shirley

— Meanie the Blue

 

Jill Clayburgh

1944 – 2010

Always played women
On the verge of something and
Nervous about it

— Lairbo

 

Theodore Sorensen

1928 – 2010

Ask not what the land
Did for Sorensen, ask how
He'll enrich the soil

— Dr. Vitz

* * * 

Kennedy's wordsmith
Intellectual blood bank
Fuel on the flame

— Russell 1000

* * *

Wasn't Camelot
He said; what followed only
Made it seem that way

— Roger Rabid

 

James MacArthur

1937 – 2010

McGarret got car
Chases, fisticuffs; Danno
Got the paperwork

— Lairbo

* * *

Can now roll over
In grave at lame remake of
Hawaii 5-0 

— Roger Rabid

 

Bob Guccione

1930 – 2010

Playboy philosophy
Obsoleted by Penthouse
Gynecology

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * * 

Vanessa Williams 
Totally owes her career
To that photo shoot

— Inshallah

* * * 

Nobody ever
Pretended to read Penthouse
For the articles

— Russell 1000

* * *

Created forum
About sex for those with no
Imagination

— P.J. Guillemot

* * *
Penthouse to outhouse
Gooch's goo-goo eyes could make
Caligula blush

— St. Blaise

* * *

Dear Penthouse Forum
Never thought heaven was real
Might be when Bob comes

— Dr. Vitz

 

 

 

Tom Bosley

1927 – 2010

Yo, Mr. C, your
Daughter just ran off with my
Greasy nephew, ayyyyyyy!  

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Fatherly to Fonz
And Dowling's flock; inept
Cop in Cabot Cove

— Abbie Rhodes

* * *

His poor police work 
Kept Jessica Fletcher in
Business for years 

— Russell 1000

* * *

Farther from Happy 
Days now than Happy Days was
Then from The Waltons 

— O'Cyrus

 

Barbara Billingsley

1915 — 2010

For all her worry
'Bout Beaver, she never seemed
All that desperate

— Abbie Rhodes

* * *

Only wore heels, it
Turns out, to stay taller than
Wally and the Beav

— Lairbo

 * * *

June Cleaver wore pearls
The standard for TV moms
No more cookies, Beav

— Susan J. Weiand

 * * *

Gee Mrs. Cleaver
Can Wally and the Beav play?
I mean cause you're dead

— Dr. Vitz

 

Benoit Mandelbrot

1924 – 2010

Mandelbrot's coffin
Is a set of rectangles
That hardly seems fair

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Joe Mantell

1916 – 2010

In a long career
Of small roles, he got two of
The best lines ever!

— Lairbo

 

Tony Curtis

1925 – 2010

Born a Bronx street kid
Paired with Leigh and Marilyn
Not bad, Bernard Schwartz

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Somehow it worked, that
Movie star face with that buzz
Saw Bronx accent

— Lairbo

 * * *

Maybe he never
Said "Yonda lies da castle..."
But we all heard it

— Roger Rabid

 

Art Gilmore

1912 – 2010

Ever-present voice
Of radio, movies and
The Highway Patrol

— Lairbo

 

Greg Giraldo

1965 – 2010

Roast regular and
Serial series pilot
Casualty cancelled

— Lairbo

 

Arthur Penn

1922 – 2010

Made romantic myth
Out of Bonnie and Clyde who
Were anything but

— Lairbo

 

Jim Heselden

1948 – 2010

Segway proves handy
Transport from this life to the
Next for new owner

— Lairbo

 * * *

New Segway sales pitch:
"It's the last vehicle you'll
Ever need to buy!"

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Those who wouldn't be
Caught dead on one of these things
Can have it both ways

— Russell 1000

 

George Blanda

1927 – 2010

Blanda survived hell,
Bryant, Hallas, and Davis
But not father time

— Jay Strauss

* * *

For twenty six years
Blanda threw and kicked it all
And now, the bucket

— Jay Strauss

 

Gloria Stuart

1910 – 2010

She saw plenty in
Hollywood, including an
Invisible Man

— Lairbo

* * *

Her Titanic role
Was a just tip of  the old
Iceberg for grande dame

— Elkay

Eddie Fisher

1928 – 2010

Left Debbie for Liz
To be left for Dick Burton
But left us Leia

— Dr. Vitz

* * *

Crooner in the age
Of rock and roll's ascension
Missed it by that much

— Lairbo

* * *

Career blown to bits
By Elvis, private life shot
To hell by himself

— O'Cyrus

* * *

When she married him
Liz was just getting warmed up
Four down, four to go

— Lairbo

* * *

Couldn't compete with
Elvis or Sinatra, but still
Got around plenty

— Russell 1000

Leonard Skinner

1933 – 2010

"You kids need haircuts!"
Said gym coach Leonard Skinner
And a band was born

— Jeff Tiedrich

Harold Gould

1923 – 2010

Nearly dad of That
Girl and Richie Cunningham;
Wound up as Rhoda's

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Always dapper, suave
And about to get the rug
Pull out from under

— Russell 1000

Kevin McCarthy

1914 – 2010

Lived long for someone
Who would run screaming into
Oncoming traffic

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Whomever he warned
Us about, apparently,
was already here

— P. Shaw

* * *

Not human? You're Next?
They're already here? What the...
Hey, look, a seed pod!

— Lairbo

Bobby Thomson

1923 – 2010

One swing of the bat
The Giants win the pennant!
Brooklyn dies some more

— Ira Heller

Ted Stevens

1923 – 2010

Is afterlife bridge
To nowhere or a series 
Of tubes? Now he knows

— Roger Rabid

Patricia Neal

1926 – 2010

More than just a face
In the crowd and, more often
Than not, in harm's way

— Philco

* * *

Tough on the outside
But vulnerable within
Thinking man's Crawford

— Jeff Tiedrich

Morrie Yohai

1920 – 2010

Bye, Morrie Yohai
Cheeze Doodles and Melba Toast
Thanks for all the crunch

— D. Berk

* * *

Fingers stained orange
Morrie did other stuff too
But Cheez Doodles rule!

— Susan J Weiand

Mitch Miller

1911 – 2010

At some point we've all
Sung along with him, whether
We knew it or not

— Phil Valens

* * *

With hipster's goatee
And that bouncing ball, Mitch got
Us to sing along

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Now that Mitch has marched
Be Kind to Your Web Footed Friends
Shall be his glory

— Babatjie