Celebrity Death Haiku

Steve Jobs

1955–2011

Jobs has a new gig:
convincing the living that
death's insanely great

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Having changed our world
Jobs is no doubt now changing
Whatever comes next

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Cannot imagine
How many read his obit  
On a Mac product

— Inshallah

* * *

With the death of Jobs  
The Apple War is over ...  
Paul McCartney wins!

— Inshallah

Bubba Smith

1945–2011

Gentle giant off
The field; on the gridiron,
Not so much "gentle"

— Roger Rabid

 

Amy Winehouse

1983–2011

Hey Amy Winehouse — 
That "won't go to rehab" thing,
How did that work out?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Cautionary tale:
When they say "go to rehab"
Don't say "no no no"  

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Perhaps what's saddest
About this untimely death
Is that no one's shocked

— Inshallah 

John M. Shalikashvili

1936–2011

From draftee to top
Brass hat; agreed not to ask
Hoping no one'd tell

— Russell 1000

* * *

Shalikashvili's
Name alone wasted entire
Line of death haiku

— Dr. Vitz

 

 

Betty Ford

1918–2011

If we voted for
First Ladies, Betty would've
Been a two-termer

— Lairbo

* * *

Made celebrity
Sobriety hip and, for
Some, habitual

— Roger Rabid

 

George C. Ballas

1925-2011

Knew how many weeds
A Weed Whacker could whack, if...
You can guess the rest

—Roger Rabid

 

Peter Falk

1927-2011

I guess the Reaper
Wasn't taken in by that
"One more question" ruse

-- Jeff Tiedrich

Clarence Clemons

1942-2011

You can't imagine
Born to Run without sax break?
Now it's easier

Dr. Vitz

 

Leonard B. Stern

1923-2011

Leonard B. Stern has
[farted]. We mourn his [boner].
We will all [poop] him.

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Mad Libs, Get Smart,
And The Honeymooners, too?!
Man was a genius

-- O'Cyrus

Jack Kervorkian

1928-2011

Suicide's salesman
When facing his own decline
Waited for Reaper

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

As professional
Courtesy, Angel of Death
Says, "I got this one."

 -- Lairbo

* * *

So, did he get a
Little help from his friends or
Just die natcherly?

-- O'Cyrus

 

Jeff Conaway

1950 – 2011

Please hail me a cab
Sorry, our driver is dead
Conaway's flag down

— Ira Heller

Jackie Cooper

1922–2011

No matter what he 
Showed up in, you were always
Happy to see him

— Lairbo

 

Osama Bin Laden

1957–2011

First — stop thumbing nose
Next — you are headed down and
Don't expect virgins

— David Pelovitz

 

Geraldine Ferraro

1935–2011

Never stood a chance
But still managed to stand for
Something, nonetheless

— Russell 1000

 * * *

At least if she'd got 
Near the White House she'd have know
What to do with it

— Roger Rabid

 

Elizabeth Taylor

1932 - 2011

Many husbands and
Violet eyes we'd die for...
If she hadn't first 

-- Dr. Vitz

* * *

And you think you have
A hard time remembering
Anniversaries

-- Loren Ipsum

* * *

Her beauty upstaged
Her talent, her marriages
Overshadowed both

-- Roger Rabbid

 * * *

Hilton, Wilding, Todd
Fisher, Burton and Burton,
Warner, Fortensky

— Lairbo

 

Owsley Stanley

1935 – 2011

If not for Owsley
Trips might have been just as long
But a lot less strange

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Bear's choice recipe
Crossed a diamond with a pearl
Many stared at hands

— Dr. Vitz

 

 

Jane Russell

1921–2011

Full figured outlaw
That gentlemen preferred more
Than any old blonde

— Dr. Vitz

 

Suze Rotolo

1943–2011

Brushed off her brush with
Someone else's fame, alright
She didn't look back

— Lairbo

 

Kenneth Mars

1936 – 2011

A funeral is 
An ugly think, und, I think
It's time to have mine

— Roger Rabid

 

Maria Schneider

1952 – 2011

Best known for getting
Buttered up by Brando for
That one last tango

— Russell 1000

John Barry

1933 – 2011

Nobody did it
Better (music to spy by)
Barry, John Barry

— Lairbo

 

Milton M. Levine

1913 – 2011

Proved baby boomers
Will watch anything on a
Glass rectangle

— Lairbo

 

David Frye

1934 – 2011

It was uncanny — 
I mean, you could have sworn that
Nixon died again

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Meader (Kennedy),
Frye (Nixon), Hartman (Clinton) . . .
Look out, Tina Fey

— Russell 1000 

Susannah York

1939 – 2011

Major reason that
Women with British accents
Always get me hot

— Roger Rabid

 

Jack LaLanne

1914 – 2011

Undeterred by death
LaLanne's corpse will pull his hearse
To prove his fitness

— Dr. Vitz