Celebrity Death Haiku

Kim Jong-Il

1942–2011

Word fun: change just one
Letter of  "Dear Leader" for
His status update

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Cartoon Bond villain
Wearing Jackie-O's eyewear
Eraserhead's hair

— Abbie Rhodes

 

Christopher Hitchens

1949–2011

Often made me mad.
Always made me think about
Why he'd made me mad

— Lairbo

* * *

Brilliant or blowhard?
We won't know until all of
His friends are dead, too

— Russell 1000

 

Kenneth Russell

1927-2011

After Russell's films --
Stylishly excessive porn
He finds heaven bland

-- Dr. Vitz

Muammar Gaddafi

1942 – 2011

Spell it "Gadhafi",
"Qaddafi" or "Khadafy",
He's "khasualty" now

— Russell 1000

 

Amy Winehouse

1983–2011

Hey Amy Winehouse — 
That "won't go to rehab" thing,
How did that work out?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Cautionary tale:
When they say "go to rehab"
Don't say "no no no"  

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Perhaps what's saddest
About this untimely death
Is that no one's shocked

— Inshallah 

Jack Kervorkian

1928-2011

Suicide's salesman
When facing his own decline
Waited for Reaper

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

As professional
Courtesy, Angel of Death
Says, "I got this one."

 -- Lairbo

* * *

So, did he get a
Little help from his friends or
Just die natcherly?

-- O'Cyrus

 

Osama Bin Laden

1957–2011

First — stop thumbing nose
Next — you are headed down and
Don't expect virgins

— David Pelovitz

 

Owsley Stanley

1935 – 2011

If not for Owsley
Trips might have been just as long
But a lot less strange

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Bear's choice recipe
Crossed a diamond with a pearl
Many stared at hands

— Dr. Vitz

 

 

Jane Russell

1921–2011

Full figured outlaw
That gentlemen preferred more
Than any old blonde

— Dr. Vitz

 

Maria Schneider

1952 – 2011

Best known for getting
Buttered up by Brando for
That one last tango

— Russell 1000

Eddie Fisher

1928 – 2010

Left Debbie for Liz
To be left for Dick Burton
But left us Leia

— Dr. Vitz

* * *

Crooner in the age
Of rock and roll's ascension
Missed it by that much

— Lairbo

* * *

Career blown to bits
By Elvis, private life shot
To hell by himself

— O'Cyrus

* * *

When she married him
Liz was just getting warmed up
Four down, four to go

— Lairbo

* * *

Couldn't compete with
Elvis or Sinatra, but still
Got around plenty

— Russell 1000

Daniel Schorr

1916 – 2010

Pissed off Krushchev then
Wound up on Nixon's shit list.
Now, there's your headline

— Lairbo

* * * 

Late of CBS,
CNN and NPR;
Now just flat out late

— Roger Rabid

George Steinbrenner

 1930 – 2010

Suspicious timing:
Did George decide he had to
Fire Bob Sheppard?

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Here's hoping Billy
Martin is among the first
Five people he meets

— Roger Rabid

* * *

George, bring me my lunch
Larry voiced me on Seinfeld
Calzones are the best

— Sue Weiand

Tuli Kupferberg

1923 – 2010

One of the first Beats
His luck to outlive them all
And die unnoticed

— Jeff Tiedrich

Harvey Pekar

1939 – 2010

Wherever he is
Now, I'm sure he's complaining
About how it sucks

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Very bad week for
Cleveland; first LeBron leaves, now
Harvey Pekar's dead

— Lairbo

Dennnis Hopper

1936 – 2010

Outlaw or outcast
His madness was all Method
Except the drugs part

— Lairbo

* * *

Almost always cast
To play some psycho. My guess:
He wasn't acting

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

James Dean wannabee
Easy Rode mostly downhill
But had his moments

— Babatjie

* * *

Easy riding man
Finally hits the highway
Wonder if he knows

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

His career's wild ride 
Through Hollywood wasn't so
Easy after all

— Roger Rabid

Gary Coleman

1968 – 2010

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout
Dana? Whatchoo mean I'm dead?
Where's the hell's Willis?

— Lairbo

* * *

Success in youth but
We wonder if he ever learned
Whatchu talkin' 'bout

— Dr. Vitz

* * *

Cheeky little guy
Came from way out of nowhere
Went back awful soon

Meanie the Blue

Moishe Rosen

1932 – 2010

Moishe said it was
Kosher to accept Jesus ...
Did Yahweh buy it?

— Babatjie

Malcolm McLaren

1946 – 2010

Malcolm McLaren

Probably would have claimed he

Invented death, too

— Jeff Tiedrich

Fran Lee

1910 – 2010

City dwellers who

Carry dog poop in a bag

Have Fran Lee to thank

— Jeff Tiedrich

Jim Carroll

1949 – 2009

A Catholic Boy

Joins his friends who have died, died

It still beats Riker's

— Meanie the Blue

Edward "Ted" Kennedy

1932 – 2009

Symbol to many

Of whatever they needed

To hope for or hate

— Russell 1000

* * *

Some can't forgive his

Not dying young to round out

Tragic trifecta

— Phil Valens

Robert Novak

1931 – 2009

Robert Novak's death

Makes me ask; when Satan dies,

Where does he end up?

— Jeff Tiedrich

Frederick "The Reverend Ike" Eikerenkoetter II

1935 – 2009

Preached power within

Each and every one of our

Wallets — Praise the Lord!

—Lairbo

* * *

Fleeced flock with vision

Of riches past wildest dreams

Although his, not theirs

— Phil Valens

* * *

Preached lack of money

As root of evil and made

Sure he rolled in it

— Russell 1000

* * *

Curse not (he said) the 

Wealthy — enlightenment is

Riches' by-product

— Philco

Jeff Goldblum Death Hoax

June 26, 2009 – June 30, 2009

Luckily, we can't write 

Haiku faster than rumors

Prove to be hoaxes

— Lairbo

* * *

Death by cliff plunge

Whenever in New Zealand

Is probably fake

— Russell 1000

* * *

Don't know if you're dead?

Celebs check here for haiku

None before its time

— Meanie the Blue