Celebrity Death Haiku

Roger Ebert

1942–2013

Will Gene welcome him
To heaven — watching classics
Or hell — Michael Bay?

— Dr. Vitz

* * *

A two-thumbs-up life!
See you in the balcony
I'll bring the popcorn

— O'Cyrus

 

 

Helen Gurley Brown

1922–2012

Knew her audience
Better than they knew themselves;
Cheese for mouseburgers

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Did death tap its foot
While she finished dressing or
Roll its eyes and wait?

— Russell 1000 

Robert Hughes

1938–2012

The shock of the news
Critics pale, art lovers will
Miss his tints, and Hughes

— E. Basil St. Blaise

Gore Vidal

1925–2012

With pen sharp and tongue
Sharper venomous Vidal
Gored all sacred cows

— E. Basil St. Blaise

 

Nora Ephron

1941—2012

Interned at Kennedy
White House, greeted the Beatles...
How'd she miss Woodstock?

— G. Runyon

* * *

Imagine the book
She'd have written if Jack had
Made a pass at her

— O'Cyrus

 

 

LeRoy Neiman

1921—2012

His true artistry
Was the way he lived; and, yeah
That giant mustache

— G. Runyon

* * *

Did what he loved and
Got paid for it handsomely
Suck it, art critics

— O'Cyrus

 

Mike Wallace

1918–2012

Flash of pearly whites
A gentle "Forgive me, but..."
He went for the kill

— Russell 1000

* * *

How did anyone
Hiding something think that
They could outwit him?

— O'Cyrus

 

Andrew Breitbart

1969–2012

Quick with opinions
And could adjust the edits
To create own facts

— Dr. Vitz

 

Christopher Hitchens

1949–2011

Often made me mad.
Always made me think about
Why he'd made me mad

— Lairbo

* * *

Brilliant or blowhard?
We won't know until all of
His friends are dead, too

— Russell 1000

 

Bil Keane

1921–2011

Dotted line showing 
Bil’s tortuous pathway home 
Just got new end point

— Dr. Vitz

 

Andy Rooney

1919–2011

'Ja ever notice
How stiff and cold I've become?
Why 'ja think that is?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Having run out of
Complaints in this life, he is
On to the next one

— Ishallah 

 

Don Meredith

1938 – 2010

The party's really
Over for the Dandy Don, 
So turn out the lights

— Russell 1000

* * *

Between the brains and
The bore, Dandy Don was the
Booth's regular guy

— Roger Rabbid

 

Elaine Kaufman

1929 – 2010

Ran NYC den
That pampered the famous while
Tourists ate in back

— Dr. Vitz

 

Theodore Sorensen

1928 – 2010

Ask not what the land
Did for Sorensen, ask how
He'll enrich the soil

— Dr. Vitz

* * * 

Kennedy's wordsmith
Intellectual blood bank
Fuel on the flame

— Russell 1000

* * *

Wasn't Camelot
He said; what followed only
Made it seem that way

— Roger Rabid

 

Ted Stevens

1923 – 2010

Is afterlife bridge
To nowhere or a series 
Of tubes? Now he knows

— Roger Rabid

John Callahan

1951 – 2010

Didn't get far on 
Foot, but pushed every limit
There was with his pen

— Lairbo

Daniel Schorr

1916 – 2010

Pissed off Krushchev then
Wound up on Nixon's shit list.
Now, there's your headline

— Lairbo

* * * 

Late of CBS,
CNN and NPR;
Now just flat out late

— Roger Rabid

Ralph Snodsmith

1939 – 2010

"First-time caller, love

Your show. Ralph, what's the best way

To push up daisies?"

— Jeff Tiedrich

Howard Zinn

1922 – 2010

Debunked the Pilgrims

Made us ask whose history

Is it, anyway?

— babatjie

William Safire

1929 – 2009

A man of the Times

Nixed negative nattering

Yet nabobs loved him

— Russell 1000

* * *

Lexicographic 

Irregulars bow their heads

The Squad Squad bows twice

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

William Safire

Now nattering nabob of

Decomposition

 — Jeff Tiedrich

Army Archerd

1922 – 2009

Bev Hills, Nate 'n' Al's:

Army dug pastrami, dished

Lots of baloney

 — St. Blaise

* * *

For better and worse

He squinted past glamour and

Told us what was there

— Russell 1000

Dominick Dunne

1925 – 2009

Lived in the shadow

Of John Gregory, then died

In Ted Kennedy's

— Lairbo

* * * 

As Farrah's death was 

To Jacko's, Dominick Dunne's

Was to Kennedy's

— Phil Valens

Don Hewitt

1931 – 2009

It's starting to look

Like Andy Rooney's gonna

Outlive all of them

— Lairbo

Robert Novak

1931 – 2009

Robert Novak's death

Makes me ask; when Satan dies,

Where does he end up?

— Jeff Tiedrich

Walter Cronkite

1916 – 2009

Uncle Walter's gone

The way it is is no more

Rather he'd stayed on

— Lairbo

* * *

Trusted the viewers

To have clues and half a brain

Won't see that again

 — Russell 1000