Celebrity Death Haiku

Fess Parker

1924 – 2010

Think he ever felt

Bad about all those raccoons

That wound up as hats?

— Lairbo

Peter Graves

1926 – 2010

An Impossible 

Mission? Find something he wasn't

In since mid-Fifties

— Lairbo

* * * 

Was never in one

Of those gladiator films

Oveur liked so much

— Russell 1000

* * *

The Secretary

Cannot disavow your next

Mission, Jim. Oveur.

— Meanie the Blue

Corey Haim

1971 — 2010

Hard to find your way

In or out of Hollywood 

When you're a Lost Boy

— Lairbo

* * *

Last Corey standing

Now has to go it alone

Lost Boy lost for good

— Russell 1000

Pernell Roberts

1928 – 2010

Trapper John was bald

Adam's hair was thick; was it

A rug or acting?

— Lairbo

* * *

Left Ponderosa

In a huff, wound up in San

Fran as grouchy doc

— Russell 1000

Erich Segal

1937 – 2010

Singlehandedly

Revived four-hankie weepers

As movie genre

— Lairbo

 

* * *

Love means saying you're 

Sorry a lot, even if 

You're not sure what for

— Phil Valens

* * *

Yellow Submarine

Doesn't begin to balance

Love Story's hokum

— Lairbo

Brittany Murphy

1977 – 2009

Shooting starlet leaves

Only thin traces of a

Career that won't be

— Russell 1000

* * *

Brittany's best role

Ironically, The Dead Girl

Soon a cult classic?

— babatjie

Roy E. Disney

1930 – 2009

Huey or Louie

To Uncle Walt's Donald; a

Mini to his Mouse

— St. Blaise

Vic Mizzy

1916 – 2009

TV theme tunesmith

Scores big using finger snaps

And a harpsichord

— Lairbo

Henry Gibson

1935 – 2009

Gone now, and that's 

Too bad; Forgotten sooner

And that's too badder

— Lairbo

Patrick Swayze

1952 – 2009

Terrific dancer,

Dirty and otherwise. Now  

(Again) dreamboat ghost

— Lairbo

* * *

Made Whoopie Goldberg

Plausible as object of 

Demi Moore's longing

— Phil Valens

Larry Gelbart

1928 — 2009

M*A*S*H, Tootsie... Oh God!

Funny things happened on the way

From his typewriter 

— St. Blaise

Army Archerd

1922 – 2009

Bev Hills, Nate 'n' Al's:

Army dug pastrami, dished

Lots of baloney

 — St. Blaise

* * *

For better and worse

He squinted past glamour and

Told us what was there

— Russell 1000

Dominick Dunne

1925 – 2009

Lived in the shadow

Of John Gregory, then died

In Ted Kennedy's

— Lairbo

* * * 

As Farrah's death was 

To Jacko's, Dominick Dunne's

Was to Kennedy's

— Phil Valens

John Hughes

1950 – 2009

Looks like one movie 

That John Hughes will never make 

Is 60 Candles

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Anthony Michael 

Hall's career and John Hughes are

Now reunited

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

John Candy's best film?

Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

No. Not Uncle Buck

— Lairbo

Karl Malden

1912 – 2009

How many of us

Still won't leave home without it

Because he said so

— Lairbo

* * *

On the Waterfront

Holy smoke, what a job done

Brando may have learned

— Clay Steiner/Writer Dude

* * *

Character actor

With a lead's talent, but a 

Too honkable nose

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

Pity Karl Malden

Shuffling off this mortal coil

Sans travelers checks

— Jeff Tiedrich

Farrah Fawcett

1947 — 2009

Object of desire

She launched a thousand hairdos

And many wet dreams

— Phil Valens

* * * 

Defined what's sexy

On your wall and in your dreams

For quite some time there

— Lairbo

* * *

After all these years

Tell me that poster's not hot

I mean, look at her!

— Russell 1000

* * *

Farrah Fawcett croaks

Upstaged in obit pages

Like Aldous Huxley

— Adrian Johnson

David Carradine

1936 - 2009

Did you know he starred

In the film My Suicide?

Death imitates art.

— Jeff Tiedrich

*   *   *

Beat death to the punch

We know how but not why; just

That Bill killed himself 

— Lairbo

Dom DeLuise

1933 – 2009

His Cannonball Run
Over now, Fatso made us
Laugh until The End
— Meanie the Blue

Bea Arthur

1922 – 2009

Husky voiced tall broad

Makes good on stage, screen, TV;
Helps, being funny

— Lairbo

* * *

Petite, she wasn't
But she knew how to get laughs
From nearly nothing

— Russell 1000

* * *

This Golden Girl was
Archie Bunker's nemesis
Took no prisoners

— Meanie the Blue

Marilyn Chambers

1952 – 2009

When a porn star dies 

Is making a "half mast" joke 

Just too obvious? 

— Jeff Tiedrich

Michael Crichton

1942 – 2008

Very tall teller

Of even taller tales 'bout

Dinosaurs gone wild

— Lairbo

Paul Newman

1925 – 2008

Salad days over 

Cool hand now forever gone 

Through Hole in the Wall

 — Meanie the Blue 

What we have here is 

Failure to resuscitate 

Rest in peace, cool hand 

— Jeff Tiedrich

Isaac Hayes

1942 - 2008

Funky detective
A bad mother—shut my mouth!
Yes, I could dig it
— Meanie the Blue

Charlton Heston

1924 – 2008

If you care to, you
May now pry that musket from
Heston's cold, dead hands

— Lairbo

* * *

Who will save us now
From all those damned, dirty apes?
James Franciscus? Pfft!

— Philco

* * *

Scenery no match 
For his powerful, clenched jaw
Soylent Green a snack

— Russell 1000

Richard Widmark

1914 – 2008

Hey tough guy. Yeah, you.
You don't look that tough to me
Now that you're all dead.

— Jeff Tiedrich