Celebrity Death Haiku

Helen Gurley Brown

1922–2012

Knew her audience
Better than they knew themselves;
Cheese for mouseburgers

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Did death tap its foot
While she finished dressing or
Roll its eyes and wait?

— Russell 1000 

Dick Clark

1929–2012

Let the last ball drop
On world's oldest teenager's
Rockin' Mid-Year's Grieve

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

New Year's without Clark?
Still fun -- harder to dance to
I give it a six

-- Dr. Vitz

 

Erich Segal

1937 – 2010

Singlehandedly

Revived four-hankie weepers

As movie genre

— Lairbo

 

* * *

Love means saying you're 

Sorry a lot, even if 

You're not sure what for

— Phil Valens

* * *

Yellow Submarine

Doesn't begin to balance

Love Story's hokum

— Lairbo

Sy Syms

1926 – 2009

The Grim Reaper, an

Educated consumer,

Gets Sy off-the-rack

— Lairbo

Irving Penn

1917 – 2009

Subject matter did
Not matter so much to him
He was making art

— Lairbo

* * *

Fame, fashion, fortune
Artist without artifice
Always clean and clear

— Russell 1000

Mr. Blackwell

1922 – 2008

Died (we only hope)

Wearing something that wouldn't

Have mortified him

— Lairbo

 

Yves Saint Laurent

1936 – 2008

Despite all he did

What we remember most are

Those giant glasses

— Lairbo

Tammy Wynette

1942 – 1998

Sang about standing 

By her man, but when it came

Down to it, didn't

— O'Cyrus

Sonny Bono

1935 – 1998

La de da de de

The beat goes on without him

La de da de da

— Lairbo

Spuds MacKenzie

1983 – 1993

Lassie was really
Male, so why such a big deal
That Spuds was a bitch?

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Spuds, that bitch, trying
To be so butch with all the
The hot chicks and beer

— Roger Rabid

Keith Haring

1958 – 1990

Subway graffitist

To pop art icon; did he

Sell out or buy in?

— Russell 1000

Robert Mapplethorpe

1946 – 1989

Pictures dirty in

Eye of beholder or

Just as intended

— Lairbo

Andy Warhol

1923 – 1986

Made being famous
For no good reason into
A viable art form

— Philco

 

Mae West

1893 – 1980

South of Heaven, West's

Chickadee may coo, "Come down

And see me sometime

— St. Blaise

Thomas Gainsborough

1727–1788

As fond of Blue Boy
As a Sears shutterbug
Of the day's last brat

—  Lairbo

 

Oscar Wilde

1854 – 1900

In the end it was
The wallpaper that didn't
Leave the hotel room

— Lairbo

 

Carmen Miranda

1909 – 1955

She could sing, she could
Dance, but all we saw was that
Fruit basket up top

— Lairbo

Marilyn Monroe

1926 – 1962

Lover of playwrights,
Presidents, ballplayers — God
Knows who the hell else

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Needed more love than
Men, the movies and public
Acclaim could give her

— O'Cyrus

* * *

At least she didn't
Have to read Mailer's jack-off 
Tribute books to her

— Lairbo

Florenz Ziegfeld

1867 – 1932

Girls, girls, girls and more
Girls in racy costumes — and
Also Fanny Brice

— O'Cyrus

Carmen Miranda

1909 – 1955

She could sing, she could
Dance, but all we saw was that
Fruit basket up top

— Lairbo

Michelangelo Buonarroti

1475 – 1564

Tried the rest? Hire the 

Best! Art to order; any

Medium, well done

— Lairbo

Marie Antoinette

1755 – 1793

Until she had it

Handed to her, she had no

Head for politics

— Lairbo

Isadora Duncan

1877 – 1927

Brilliant dancer, but 

Lousy judge of lovers and 

Lengths of driving scarves

— Lairbo

Emily Post

1872 – 1960

Funeral haiku

Five decades after the fact?

How wretchedly gauche!

— Lairbo