Celebrity Death Haiku

Kim Jong-Il

1942–2011

Word fun: change just one
Letter of  "Dear Leader" for
His status update

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Cartoon Bond villain
Wearing Jackie-O's eyewear
Eraserhead's hair

— Abbie Rhodes

 

Christopher Hitchens

1949–2011

Often made me mad.
Always made me think about
Why he'd made me mad

— Lairbo

* * *

Brilliant or blowhard?
We won't know until all of
His friends are dead, too

— Russell 1000

 

Muammar Gaddafi

1942 – 2011

Spell it "Gadhafi",
"Qaddafi" or "Khadafy",
He's "khasualty" now

— Russell 1000

 

Betty Ford

1918–2011

If we voted for
First Ladies, Betty would've
Been a two-termer

— Lairbo

* * *

Made celebrity
Sobriety hip and, for
Some, habitual

— Roger Rabid

 

Jack Kervorkian

1928-2011

Suicide's salesman
When facing his own decline
Waited for Reaper

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

As professional
Courtesy, Angel of Death
Says, "I got this one."

 -- Lairbo

* * *

So, did he get a
Little help from his friends or
Just die natcherly?

-- O'Cyrus

 

Osama Bin Laden

1957–2011

First — stop thumbing nose
Next — you are headed down and
Don't expect virgins

— David Pelovitz

 

Sargent Shriver

1915 – 2011

Camelot in-law
Did the heavy lifting of
Public servitude

— Russell 1000

 

Elizabeth Edwards

1949 – 2010

Tried to stand by John
Till he turned ridiculous
She's no Todd Palin

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Classier act on
Her worst day than hubby on
Any of his best

— Lairbo

 

Bob Guccione

1930 – 2010

Playboy philosophy
Obsoleted by Penthouse
Gynecology

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * * 

Vanessa Williams 
Totally owes her career
To that photo shoot

— Inshallah

* * * 

Nobody ever
Pretended to read Penthouse
For the articles

— Russell 1000

* * *

Created forum
About sex for those with no
Imagination

— P.J. Guillemot

* * *
Penthouse to outhouse
Gooch's goo-goo eyes could make
Caligula blush

— St. Blaise

* * *

Dear Penthouse Forum
Never thought heaven was real
Might be when Bob comes

— Dr. Vitz

 

 

 

Ted Stevens

1923 – 2010

Is afterlife bridge
To nowhere or a series 
Of tubes? Now he knows

— Roger Rabid

John Callahan

1951 – 2010

Didn't get far on 
Foot, but pushed every limit
There was with his pen

— Lairbo

George Steinbrenner

 1930 – 2010

Suspicious timing:
Did George decide he had to
Fire Bob Sheppard?

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Here's hoping Billy
Martin is among the first
Five people he meets

— Roger Rabid

* * *

George, bring me my lunch
Larry voiced me on Seinfeld
Calzones are the best

— Sue Weiand

Tuli Kupferberg

1923 – 2010

One of the first Beats
His luck to outlive them all
And die unnoticed

— Jeff Tiedrich

Robert Byrd

1917 – 2010

Byrd served the longest
National charter in hand
And pork in pocket

— Dr. Vitz

*** 

Often voted with
The losing side but always
Brought home the bacon

— Russell 1000

* * *

Admitted being
Wrong when he had been and stood
Firm when he was right

— Roger Rabid

Chris Haney

1950 – 2010

Trivial Pursuit:
Hours spent on useless facts
Today there's Google

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Turned Baby Boomers'
Nostalgia about themselves
Into a fortune

— Lairbo

Moishe Rosen

1932 – 2010

Moishe said it was
Kosher to accept Jesus ...
Did Yahweh buy it?

— Babatjie

Alexander Haig

1924 – 2010

Maybe we'd have been

Better off if he'd been in 

Control at the time

— Russell 1000

Fran Lee

1910 – 2010

City dwellers who

Carry dog poop in a bag

Have Fran Lee to thank

— Jeff Tiedrich

Howard Zinn

1922 – 2010

Debunked the Pilgrims

Made us ask whose history

Is it, anyway?

— babatjie

Oral Roberts

1918 – 2009

Healed those stricken with

Full wallets and empty heads

God's extortionist

— Russell 1000

* * *

Fleeced flock for millions

Claiming God held him hostage

Ransom paid in full

— Phil Valens

William Safire

1929 – 2009

A man of the Times

Nixed negative nattering

Yet nabobs loved him

— Russell 1000

* * *

Lexicographic 

Irregulars bow their heads

The Squad Squad bows twice

— Meanie the Blue

* * *

William Safire

Now nattering nabob of

Decomposition

 — Jeff Tiedrich

Irving Kristol

1920 – 2009

Counterpunched youthful 

Trotskyist leanings with a 

Hard right to the left

— Lairbo

* * *

Neocons mourning 

Spiritual godfather

Of their bastard creed

— St. Blaise

Dominick Dunne

1925 – 2009

Lived in the shadow

Of John Gregory, then died

In Ted Kennedy's

— Lairbo

* * * 

As Farrah's death was 

To Jacko's, Dominick Dunne's

Was to Kennedy's

— Phil Valens

Edward "Ted" Kennedy

1932 – 2009

Symbol to many

Of whatever they needed

To hope for or hate

— Russell 1000

* * *

Some can't forgive his

Not dying young to round out

Tragic trifecta

— Phil Valens

Don Hewitt

1931 – 2009

It's starting to look

Like Andy Rooney's gonna

Outlive all of them

— Lairbo