Celebrity Death Haiku

Annette Funicello

1942–2013

M-I-C-K-E-
Y? because Baby Boomer
boys liked your sweater

--babatjie

Bonnie Franklin

1944–2013

Divorced mom’s troubles
One daughter turns to drug use
One to Van Halen

— Dr. Vitz

 

Phyllis Diller

1917–2012

Had better plastic
Surgeon than Joan Rivers and
Funnier, to boot

— O'Cyrus

 

Tom Davis

1952–2012

Al's second fiddle
Like too many funny men
Largely unnoticed

— Dr. Vitz

 

Ernest Borgnine

1917–2012

The real story of
His short marriage to Merman?
Don't know, don't want to

— G. Runyon

* * *

Convincing baddie —
Even his "good guys" seemed on
The verge of rampage

— Russell 1000

* * *

Played full width and breadth
Of his narrow range, and with
Gusto every time

— Abbie Rhodes

 

Andy Griffith

1926-2012

The sheriff? Matlock?
Will either outlive that theme
We all can whistle?

— Dr. Vitz

 

Nora Ephron

1941—2012

Interned at Kennedy
White House, greeted the Beatles...
How'd she miss Woodstock?

— G. Runyon

* * *

Imagine the book
She'd have written if Jack had
Made a pass at her

— O'Cyrus

 

 

Richard Dawson

1932–2012

Way to get noticed
After years out of spot-
Light? Survey says: Death!

— O'Cyrus

 

Davy Jones

1945–2012

Now Davy Jones? Jeez.
One more boyhood icon gone
I'm a bereaver

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Pre-teen idol from
Pre-fab foursome
Croaks prematurely

— Russell 1000

* * *

Pop music sweetheart
Just when "sour" became the
Flavor of the month

— Lairbo

 * * *

Mock at your peril;
Stephen Stills auditioned
For the Monkees gig

— Abby Rhodes

 

Robert Hegyes

1951–2011

Dear Mr. Kotter
Robert's career is absent
Signed Epstein's Mother

— Dr. Vitz

 

Harry Morgan

1915-2011

Cowpoke to colonel
Cop in between; looked 50
For as many years

-- Abbie Rhodes

 

Bil Keane

1921–2011

Dotted line showing 
Bil’s tortuous pathway home 
Just got new end point

— Dr. Vitz

 

Andy Rooney

1919–2011

'Ja ever notice
How stiff and cold I've become?
Why 'ja think that is?

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Having run out of
Complaints in this life, he is
On to the next one

— Ishallah 

 

Peter Falk

1927-2011

I guess the Reaper
Wasn't taken in by that
"One more question" ruse

-- Jeff Tiedrich

Leonard B. Stern

1923-2011

Leonard B. Stern has
[farted]. We mourn his [boner].
We will all [poop] him.

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Mad Libs, Get Smart,
And The Honeymooners, too?!
Man was a genius

-- O'Cyrus

Jackie Cooper

1922–2011

No matter what he 
Showed up in, you were always
Happy to see him

— Lairbo

 

Kenneth Mars

1936 – 2011

A funeral is 
An ugly think, und, I think
It's time to have mine

— Roger Rabid

 

David Frye

1934 – 2011

It was uncanny — 
I mean, you could have sworn that
Nixon died again

— Jeff Tiedrich

 * * *

Meader (Kennedy),
Frye (Nixon), Hartman (Clinton) . . .
Look out, Tina Fey

— Russell 1000 

David Nelson

1936 – 2011

Trying to picture
Him, all I see is Wally,
Beav's older brother

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Why David Nelson?
'Cause every family
Needs its own Zeppo

— Jeff Tiedrich

 

Blake Edwards

1922 – 2010

Never read a script
That couldn't be improved by
Adding a pie fight

— Lairbo

 

Leslie Nielsen

1926 – 2010

Made Airplane take off
In a pre-TSA world
Can't call him Shirley

— Meanie the Blue

 

Jill Clayburgh

1944 – 2010

Always played women
On the verge of something and
Nervous about it

— Lairbo

 

Tom Bosley

1927 – 2010

Yo, Mr. C, your
Daughter just ran off with my
Greasy nephew, ayyyyyyy!  

— Roger Rabid

* * *

Fatherly to Fonz
And Dowling's flock; inept
Cop in Cabot Cove

— Abbie Rhodes

* * *

His poor police work 
Kept Jessica Fletcher in
Business for years 

— Russell 1000

* * *

Farther from Happy 
Days now than Happy Days was
Then from The Waltons 

— O'Cyrus

 

Barbara Billingsley

1915 — 2010

For all her worry
'Bout Beaver, she never seemed
All that desperate

— Abbie Rhodes

* * *

Only wore heels, it
Turns out, to stay taller than
Wally and the Beav

— Lairbo

 * * *

June Cleaver wore pearls
The standard for TV moms
No more cookies, Beav

— Susan J. Weiand

 * * *

Gee Mrs. Cleaver
Can Wally and the Beav play?
I mean cause you're dead

— Dr. Vitz

 

Tony Curtis

1925 – 2010

Born a Bronx street kid
Paired with Leigh and Marilyn
Not bad, Bernard Schwartz

— Dr. Vitz

 * * *

Somehow it worked, that
Movie star face with that buzz
Saw Bronx accent

— Lairbo

 * * *

Maybe he never
Said "Yonda lies da castle..."
But we all heard it

— Roger Rabid