Celebrity Death Haiku

Steven Covey

1932–2012

Seven habits of 
Highly effective people
Would include breathing

— E. Basil St. Blaise

 

Steve Jobs

1955–2011

Jobs has a new gig:
convincing the living that
death's insanely great

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Having changed our world
Jobs is no doubt now changing
Whatever comes next

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Cannot imagine
How many read his obit  
On a Mac product

— Inshallah

* * *

With the death of Jobs  
The Apple War is over ...  
Paul McCartney wins!

— Inshallah

George C. Ballas

1925-2011

Knew how many weeds
A Weed Whacker could whack, if...
You can guess the rest

—Roger Rabid

 

Leonard B. Stern

1923-2011

Leonard B. Stern has
[farted]. We mourn his [boner].
We will all [poop] him.

-- Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Mad Libs, Get Smart,
And The Honeymooners, too?!
Man was a genius

-- O'Cyrus

Milton M. Levine

1913 – 2011

Proved baby boomers
Will watch anything on a
Glass rectangle

— Lairbo

 

Elaine Kaufman

1929 – 2010

Ran NYC den
That pampered the famous while
Tourists ate in back

— Dr. Vitz

 

James MacArthur

1937 – 2010

McGarret got car
Chases, fisticuffs; Danno
Got the paperwork

— Lairbo

* * *

Can now roll over
In grave at lame remake of
Hawaii 5-0 

— Roger Rabid

 

Jim Heselden

1948 – 2010

Segway proves handy
Transport from this life to the
Next for new owner

— Lairbo

 * * *

New Segway sales pitch:
"It's the last vehicle you'll
Ever need to buy!"

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Those who wouldn't be
Caught dead on one of these things
Can have it both ways

— Russell 1000

 

Morrie Yohai

1920 – 2010

Bye, Morrie Yohai
Cheeze Doodles and Melba Toast
Thanks for all the crunch

— D. Berk

* * *

Fingers stained orange
Morrie did other stuff too
But Cheez Doodles rule!

— Susan J Weiand

George Steinbrenner

 1930 – 2010

Suspicious timing:
Did George decide he had to
Fire Bob Sheppard?

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Here's hoping Billy
Martin is among the first
Five people he meets

— Roger Rabid

* * *

George, bring me my lunch
Larry voiced me on Seinfeld
Calzones are the best

— Sue Weiand

Jimmy Dean

1928 – 2010

Realized people would
Pay more for country sausage
Than country music

— Lairbo

Leslie Buck

1922 – 2010

Cops, commuters and

Kvetches drank from his icon

It was Greek to us

— Lairbo

* * *

Only character

That's been with Law & Order

Since the beginning

— O'Cyrus

* * *

Iconic cup for 

Regular joes on the go

The anti Starbuck

— Russell 1000

Malcolm McLaren

1946 – 2010

Malcolm McLaren

Probably would have claimed he

Invented death, too

— Jeff Tiedrich

Thomas Angove

1918 – 2010

The Aussie who put

Wine in a box is now in

A box of his own

— O'Cyrus

Ronald Howes

1926 – 2010

I said it then and 

I'll say it now, it's a light

Bulb in a tin box!

— Lairbo

Walter Frederick Morrison

1920 – 2010

Turned flying pie tin

Into competitive sport

For stoners with dogs

— Lairbo

* * * 

He threw a pie tin

Right into the public eye

It really took off

— Meanie the Blue

Glenn Bell Jr.

1923 – 2010

Did to tacos what

McD's — for better and worse —

Did to hamburgers

— Lairbo

* * *

Taco Bell founder

Gets his last order to go

First the dog, now this!

— Russell 1000

Donald Goerke

1926 – 2010

Uh-oh. The guy who

Created SpaghettiOs

Passed his sell-by date

— Lairbo

Roy E. Disney

1930 – 2009

Huey or Louie

To Uncle Walt's Donald; a

Mini to his Mouse

— St. Blaise

Sy Syms

1926 – 2009

The Grim Reaper, an

Educated consumer,

Gets Sy off-the-rack

— Lairbo

Army Archerd

1922 – 2009

Bev Hills, Nate 'n' Al's:

Army dug pastrami, dished

Lots of baloney

 — St. Blaise

* * *

For better and worse

He squinted past glamour and

Told us what was there

— Russell 1000

Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua

1995 – 2009

Ask not for whom the

Taco Bell tolls — it tolls for

Gidget the spokesdog

— Lairbo

* * *

Taco loving dog

Finally bites the big one

Not in a good way

— Lairbo

Oscar Mayer

1914 – 2009

I'm so glad that I'm 

Not Oscar Mayer's wiener

'Cause then I'd be DEAD

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Pass the black Poupon

My gravestone has a first name

O-S-C-A-R . . . 

— Meanie the Blue

Billy Mays

1958 – 2009

Kaboom! Billy Mays
Is no longer powered by
The air we all breathe

— Lairbo

* * *

Pitch it to us with
Unbridled enthusiasm . . .
But wait, there's no more

— Russell 1000

Leona Helmsley

 1920 – 2007

Leona Helmsley
Guess the Donald won this round
So long Queen of Mean

— Prince Valiant

* * *

Avoided taxes
(Those are for little people)
But couldn't dodge death

— Lairbo