Celebrity Death Haiku

Ronald Howes

1926 – 2010

I said it then and 

I'll say it now, it's a light

Bulb in a tin box!

— Lairbo

Walter Frederick Morrison

1920 – 2010

Turned flying pie tin

Into competitive sport

For stoners with dogs

— Lairbo

* * * 

He threw a pie tin

Right into the public eye

It really took off

— Meanie the Blue

Glenn Bell Jr.

1923 – 2010

Did to tacos what

McD's — for better and worse —

Did to hamburgers

— Lairbo

* * *

Taco Bell founder

Gets his last order to go

First the dog, now this!

— Russell 1000

Donald Goerke

1926 – 2010

Uh-oh. The guy who

Created SpaghettiOs

Passed his sell-by date

— Lairbo

Roy E. Disney

1930 – 2009

Huey or Louie

To Uncle Walt's Donald; a

Mini to his Mouse

— St. Blaise

Sy Syms

1926 – 2009

The Grim Reaper, an

Educated consumer,

Gets Sy off-the-rack

— Lairbo

Army Archerd

1922 – 2009

Bev Hills, Nate 'n' Al's:

Army dug pastrami, dished

Lots of baloney

 — St. Blaise

* * *

For better and worse

He squinted past glamour and

Told us what was there

— Russell 1000

Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua

1995 – 2009

Ask not for whom the

Taco Bell tolls — it tolls for

Gidget the spokesdog

— Lairbo

* * *

Taco loving dog

Finally bites the big one

Not in a good way

— Lairbo

Oscar Mayer

1914 – 2009

I'm so glad that I'm 

Not Oscar Mayer's wiener

'Cause then I'd be DEAD

— Jeff Tiedrich

* * *

Pass the black Poupon

My gravestone has a first name

O-S-C-A-R . . . 

— Meanie the Blue

Billy Mays

1958 – 2009

Kaboom! Billy Mays

Is no longer powered by

The air we all breathe

— Lairbo

* * *

Pitch it to us with

Unbridled enthusiasm . . .

But wait, there's no more

— Russell 1000

Leona Helmsley

1920 – 2007

Leona Helmsley

Guess the Donald won this round

So long Queen of Mean

— Prince Valiant

Avoided taxes
(Those are for little people)
But couldn't dodge death

— Lairbo

Ahmet Ertegun

1923 – 2006

Atlantic Records
Founder dies with plenty
Of money from me

— Lairbo

Ken Lay

1942 – 2006

Ken Lay powers down
The deadest guy in the room
Gets out of jail free

— Lairbo

Gerry Thomas

1922 – 2005

Heat, serve and bury
TV dinner inventor
Gerry Thomas, dead

— Lairbo 

Harold von Braunhut

1926 – 2003 (Created Sea Monkeys)

He made Brine Shrimp "pets"
And sold us X-Ray Specs, too
How stupid are we?

— Lairbo

Dave Thomas

1932 – 2002

Made better burgers

Than most fast-food places and

Knew where the beef was

— Lairbo

"Colonel" Tom Parker

1909 – 1997

Put Elvis into 

Crapola movies while rock

Rolled on without him

— Lairbo

* * *

Didn't know what he

Had when it was singing right

In front of his ears

— Russell 1000

Ray Kroc

1902 – 1984

Grew big business

And customers' waistlines with

Lots of small burgers

— Lairbo

Nelson Rockefeller

1908 – 1979

Canny millionaire

Bought political career;

Went out with a bang

—Russell 1000

Aristotle Onassis

1900 – 1975

Be wary of Greeks

Bearing shiploads of money

Buying first ladies

— Lairbo

Cecil B. DeMille

1881 – 1959

Rehearsing only line

Death awaits his cue; Ready

When you are, C.B.!

— Lairbo

George Westinghouse

1846 – 1914

If for nothing more

Than air-conditioning, we

Owe him a great debt

— Russell 1000